TL;DR - My (28/m) gf (26/f) acknowledges she could stand to lose weight but thinks doing so, and wanting to do so, upholds the unfair standard of beauty that favors the thin and fit. I feel and fear she's setting herself up for unhappiness with this line of thinking.

So yeah, My (28/m) gf (26/f) has stated multiple times recently that she's uncomfortable and self-conscious about her body. She's put on some weight, but not like a lot, since we've started dating over 3 years ago while I've consistently shed pounds and improved my fitness, but that's not really the point. She actually lost some weight to start the pandemic as she moved in with her parents for about the first three months, but in the last three months she's put it back on plus some, which was mutually determined to be due to her drinking less and her mom making the food decisions while she was under her parents' roof.

Anyway, our most recent in depth conversation about her weight feelings entailed her acknowledging she should try to lose weight but doing so, and even wanting to do so, is holding up the unrealistic and flawed standard of beauty that exists in the world. She also said that her mom telling her about what she's been eating to be healthier while they talk on the phone is a micro-aggression against her and a slight to lose weight.

While I agree that the standard of beauty is screwed up, I fear she's using it as an excuse to not have to lose weight. She also doesn't need to lose weight, nobody should have to feel like they should do something that isn't for their own gain, but her body image is actively causing her grief. I'm fearful and disheartened that she's setting herself up for unhappiness with any decision she makes with this.

I framed it to her from my perspective as while the world is a vain and rude place, a person's body goals are theirs and should be theirs only. It's up to the individual to work things out that's best for themselves. Yes some people will get fit to impress others, some may will strive to be skinny because they feel societal pressure, some people will do it for their health both physical and mental, some people like myself will do it to see what their body is capable of and to feel good because they can set their mind to something and achieve it. The standard of beauty shouldn't be at the forefront and tbh as a culture we've probably moved further away today in 2020 from the skinny is king/queen model than we've ever been since whenever it came into prominence. She's a defensive person so she wasn't really having these as rationalizations.

What I didn't say as to not upset her in the moment - weight loss if nothing else is healthy, while the extra pounds you're carrying aren't killing you, being even just active if not trim reduces complications. Being active can reduce stress which I feel she has a lot of. Drinking less or not at all at night could lead to weight loss with minimal effort, but continuing to do so without fitness activity will just leave you in a self-fulfilling stress loop. She's super into skincare and make-up, which while not apples to apples to weight loss, kind of feeds into the same standard of beauty. Being energized and having goals, and/or owning your appearance and being comfortable in your skin, is attractive. The former is more so than the latter for me personally but agonizing over this and doing nothing definitely isn't.

I just would like some perspective before I bring up the topic again citing my worries about her thought process and how I just want her to be happy and her best self, however she says it. Thanks in advance!

TL;DR - My (28/m) gf (26/f) acknowledges she could stand to lose weight but thinks doing so, and wanting to do so, upholds the unfair standard of beauty that favors the thin and fit. I feel and fear she's setting herself up for unhappiness with this line of thinking.

Submitted September 21, 2020 at 07:11AM by throwawayawaworht_1 https://ift.tt/35UOqzR