I'm 27(F) and I don't have the first clue about sex but I'm not a virgin. I actually just left a 4 year relationship. I've been essentially used and it makes me worry I'm undesirable?

I asked about this in a dating subreddit but deleted it because I got no response.

I recently left my emotionally abusive ex. I'm finally ready to go back into dating but I find myself dealing with some issues.

I've been in two relationships. Both of them consisted of completely emotionless sex 10-12 times a year. They were incredibly sad and complicated and both of these men severely hurt me emotionally.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've romantically kissed a man. I've had someone go down on me twice in my life. My ex literally had a micropenis that could barely penetrate. I have no clue how to do anything.

So every time I go to use online dating I either am so awkward the person is uncomfortable and ghosts me, or they try and get me to hook up with them because "hey she's here" and since I have zero clue what to do I just shut down and default to "get it in and get it over with".

I legit need someone to teach me how to have sex as a near 30 year old woman and that's the most pathetic and embarrassing thing I have ever said. It's not even like I'm a virgin. I'm just an idiot who spent a long time with someone who treated them like they didn't exist/matter.

How the hell do you bring this up to someone? Like I want to get it out of the way ASAP since the window between that first "hey" and sex isn't the longest these days but with my already low chances of getting ghosted due to my appearance (I lost 200 pounds and am a flabby skin sack) and behavior... adding this on top of just makes me feel so discouraged.

Help?

TL;DR I've been in two relationships spanning several years. Both of them have never included intimate sex. I have no clue what I'm doing but I feel pathetic and used confessing this to someone but if I don't I just shut down due to embarrassment? awkwardness? I don't know.

Submitted September 02, 2020 at 08:57PM by banmeharderdaddy17 https://ift.tt/31QE2GO