I (44F) am disgusted at my son (19M) for cheating on and emotionally manipulating his girlfriend (20F). Now she wants to talk about marriage, mostly oblivious to his problems. Would it be crazy if I talked to her and told her to leave my son? Am I making a mistake here?

My son has been dating Alice for about a year and a half. We've known Alice for a very long time, she lived 2 blocks away, had an abusive alcoholic mom and was just generally a very sweet, albeit sheltered girl who he has been friends with for a long time. When they started dating I was so happy for them.

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But my son... hes sort of a popular, handsome guy in his social group, and I honestly think its warped him a bit to be a worse person. He is more arrogant, more prone to saying mean things about people. I noticed he wouldn't be 'mean' to Alice necessarily, but would say certain things to somewhat put her down. Or he just had this sort of manipulative tone. It was just very obvious that he viewed her as sort of lesser than him, just by the way he speaks to her and about her. And she is such a shy and insecure girl, I am not even sure if she realizes that this isn't normal. I think part of it is that she grew up in an abusive household where her dad abused her mom (dad left when she was 11), and so she thinks of it as normal.

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Around 2 months ago, he came home drunk. He lives in the basement floor of the house but I still go down there a lot. I went to go talk to him to just say hello and ask how his night was, but I heard a girl who was clearly not Alice... moaning, sexually. I was stunned, I honestly didn't even know what to think. I talked to him the next day, and he acted apologetic and said it would never happen again and I told him to tell Alice and he refused. He said "Alice wouldnt even care" which I knew was bullshit. Suddenly the argument went from "I am sorry, this was a bad thing" to "alice doesn't even mind me cheating, she allows it, she just doesnt like hearing about it" which is how I know he was lying.

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After that? In the last two months, hes had multiple girls over. He always sneaks them in at night after some party or something. One time I went down there to check up on him and remind him he had a doctors appointment (which, of course, he was late for), and he was butt naked with another naked girl on the couch. Once again we had the same discussion as before, and he kept saying Alice doesn't care.

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Alice was over, and I almost couldn't even look her in the eye. But she mentioned MARRIAGE at one point with my son in a positive light, and I almost vomited. I said they were way too young to be thinking about that, and she said she agrees although she doesn't mind getting married young and she really loves my son.

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I honestly don't know what the hell to do. If I talk to Alice, my son's going to be furious. She might be furious with me too. I do love my son, even if hes an absolute little shit. I mean this is my son we are talking about, my only son. He makes more than enough money to leave and live elsewhere but he stays because he loves me and doesn't want to see me alone. I know he sounds like an ass in this post but he is really a great son to me and cares for me a lot and I really enjoy having him around. The current situation we have, with him living in basically a basement apartment and helping with the bills, is perfect. How the hell can I betray him like this? Trying to talk to him about this is like talking to a brick wall.

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What do I do? such a moral dilemma.

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TL;DR - - My son is cheating on his girlfriend and being emotionally abusive and I want to talk to her but don't know how without completely betraying my son.

Submitted September 22, 2020 at 08:56PM by scottlikeroller21 https://ift.tt/35Zoe7d