I (21 F) have been with my live in boyfriend (33 M) for almost 3 years now and I’m wondering how to make things exciting again?

My biggest complaint in my relationship for awhile now has been that my boyfriend and I don’t really spend any quality time together. We don’t do anything new or exciting. I’ve been so conflicted because he’s a good guy, he’s respectful, stable, our relationship isn’t unhealthy, and I care about him. We have moments where we’re really goofy and fun with each other and I love that.

The thing is, we don’t have any shared hobbies aside from TV and the occasional video game. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely days where I’m too exhausted to do anything but watch tv or play animal crossing, but if I’m in a good mood and not completely exhausted, doing that stuff is boring to me and makes me feel like I’m wasting my time.

I’ve tried bringing it up in the past, and telling him that I want to do more than sit at home and watch TV but it never went over well. He would just get defensive and say stuff like “if I’m making you so miserable and bored why are you even with me?” And “you act like I’m holding you hostage”.

If I try to bring it up in a more casual way and just ask “hey do you want to do something today?” or “do you want to talk?” he always just says “like what?” or “about what?”. It’s always on me to come up with something, but he usually doesn’t like my suggestions because it’s “too hot outside” or “we should just save money” or just “no I don’t feel like it”.

It’s getting to the point where I just prefer doing things alone because I know I can actually do something I like vs just being chained to the tv rewatching the office all night. Occasionally he’ll say maybe to an idea, but we just never end up doing it. I just wish he would surprise ME sometime and plan something for us to do, actually put in some effort.

Then again there’s a part of me that feels like he’s already done a lot for me and I should just be grateful. When I was in between jobs he helped cover my half of the rent, when I didn’t have a car when we first started dating he drove me to and from work every day, when I had a mental breakdown he didn’t leave me.

Now he usually does a lot around the house, he takes out the trash and unloads the dishwasher which I can be really forgetful about sometimes. Maybe that really is just the way he shows his love, but I’ve just been feeling really antsy and unappreciated in the relationship. When I’ve confronted him in the past about his lack of effort he said it just makes him feel like “I don’t appreciate what he does for me”.

I did appreciate the stuff he’s done for me in the past and I still do, but sometimes it feels like because he helped me out so much in the beginning (with the car thing and being in between jobs) he feels like he doesn’t have to do anything for me ever again.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

TLDR; my boyfriend and I have no shared hobbies and he doesn’t want to do anything but watch tv and play video games. i’ve tried confronting him and he gets defensive. at the same time i think maybe my standards for him are just too high because he has helped me through some tough stuff in the past.

Submitted August 31, 2020 at 01:00PM by belugabeach https://ift.tt/2QIEoZW