(26f/29m) I said something regrettable during an argument and now am being punished to the extreme by (ex?)- fiancé

My fiancé and I have been together a year.

I’ll admit I can get upset about things. Emotional even. I’m not perfect at all and there are things I need to change. I need things to be resolved and they will bother me if they aren’t, whereas he seems to be happy ignoring any issues.

But since we got engaged, I feel like he almost thinks he doesn’t have to care anymore. Or bother. Or listen and acknowledge my feelings. And to me that escalates things. He thinks buying me a box of chocolates is “being a good bf”, but actually reassuring me and listening to me and validating my feelings is not important.

He can be cruel when he’s angry, and mean. But he’s always maintained it’s just a response to me, and he never starts anything. Which may be true. It is usually me that’s upset about stuff that has happened (he seems to have some kind of emotional amnesia about anything he’s done).

So yesterday we had a bad argument. I listed all the things (over text, we are separated due to lockdown and him working) that I was upset about. And I guess he didn’t like it. We ended up arguing and I took it too far and essentially told him I didn’t like his family and have been annoyed since their involvement in the wedding, which I guess I’ve been holding in for a long time but it just burst out. I didn’t say it in the right way and I suppose was quite rude. I have been annoyed at how they’ve hijacked my wedding, but I suppose pointing out my dislike of them was too far on top of the things that I’d said I was upset about.

Anyway.... I shouldn’t have said it. But he responded horrifically. I’m talking a 4 hour tirade on my character. I was told I have a personality disorder, am going to hell, have a fucked up life and haven’t been raised properly, am disgusting, plus a load of names and cuss words to boot. I was also told I was the worst rs he’s ever had and he’s been much better off before. And a whole load of other nasty things.

Needless to say, I did not apologise in the middle of this all, although I did tell him I didn’t mean to insult them. This only got me more hatred. When I then tried to steer the conversation to something more constructive, I got told I was the worst thing to ever happen to him, he hated me and to leave him alone.

I haven’t heard from him since. I’m pretty miserable. I know I was wrong to say that but I feel like the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. I know what he’s like, and if I apologise he’ll take that as me crawling back and him being absolved of any blame. But perhaps I’m being ruled by my ego? Perhaps I did push him too far. I don’t know how to take this

Edit: He has just texted me asking to visit me like none of this happened. He’s done this before but this argument was light years worse than anything we’ve ever had. I’ve ignored it and am continuing to read all of these comments and plan what to do next. It certainly won’t be a visit from him. Thanks so much for all the support and advice, I feel endlessly grateful.

tldr Said some regrettable things during a bad argument. Am now being punished to the max and have been verbally attacked for hours on end for what a terrible person I am, when he is perfectly fine to call me names and cuss me out. Don’t know if it’s even possible to fix, but I’m just so miserable.

Submitted July 03, 2020 at 03:00AM by throwawayrsprobls https://ift.tt/2VKxxC9