I [22F] found out [30M] coworker I’ve been seeing has a girlfriend! Now I'm being gossiped about at work and feeling depressed. What do I do?

I’ve been feeling upset and confused about this situation so I wanted some feedback.

I’m a 22 year old working as a paralegal, but quitting in July to start law school. There's a male associate at my firm I've never worked closely with but has always been really nice and friendly to me. A few times when I first got hired he even bought me coffee.

So a couple months ago, he stopped by my desk and asked me to dinner after work and I said yes. He paid for dinner and we talked for a few hours. He said he’s been attracted to me since I was hired (6 months ago) and feels like after talking to me, he could also see himself really liking me. That’s when I told him I’d be moving to another city soon and while I was also attracted to him, I wouldn’t consider anything serious. He said he was disappointed but still wanted to spend time with me.

We went out to dinner a few more times. A few times he cooked dinner for me. We’ve also watched movies at his place. I really like to cuddle so that’s as physical as its got most of the times I went over. But one time.. he went down on me and we kissed for a little bit afterwards. He didn’t try anything else. After that, it just went back to just cuddling (he knows I’m relatively inexperienced and not used to doing much outside of a relationship).

Okay, so last week, I found out from another coworker he’s had a girlfriend this whole time. I was shocked and called him to end whatever we were doing. He apologized, said they’ve been talking about breaking up and haven’t seen each other in two months (not sure if a lie), and that he is confused because he’s started developing feelings for me but has always known it can’t go anywhere because I’m moving. I told him I didn’t care what his situation was, but that it was over and not to contact me outside of work. But I would still be cordial to him at work. He apologized again and we haven’t spoken since.

Soon after, his girlfriend found out because she has friends at this firm. They’ve been gossiping about me and I’ve heard that people have been saying behind my back that I’m pathetic and they “feel so bad for me” and that he obviously “used me for sex”. One of her friends even came up to me at work and said I must feel awful that he’s still with her and clearly he never cared about me.

I don’t really care how much he ever cared about me, but their comments still hurt. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I didn’t feel used or degraded before, but after internalizing all this, I do now. Luckily, I’m away from the toxic environment due to COVID19 and working from home, but being isolated also makes me think about this more. I’m having trouble eating and sleeping.

Should I feel this used and ashamed? And how do I move on from this and feel better?

tl;dr: Been seeing coworker for 2 months. Ended it after finding out he has a girlfriend. Others at my work also found out and have been saying that I was used and that I’m pathetic. It’s taking a toll on my self esteem and mental health. I want to know what to do.

Submitted April 06, 2020 at 03:20PM by throwaway93847289 https://ift.tt/39JdXdy