I would like to start off by saying my boyfriend has never directly told me he doesn't like my body. A lot of his actions and words over the past few months have led me to believe he isn’t attracted to my body type.
When we first started dating I never really thought about my body when I was with him. He kept wanting to see me so naturally I assumed he was attracted to me and enjoyed spending time with me. We have been dating for about 8 months and our sex life has remained steady. I first started to feel insecure when we were discussing our previous dating life a few months ago and he said “Before you I dated girls just for their looks. I dated these beautiful women with awful personalities. I stopped focusing on that when I met you and you are the most wonderful person i've ever dated”. I think it's very sweet he called me wonderful but I couldn’t help but overthink how he said he used to date beautiful women and stopped when he met me. Is he saying he doesn’t think i'm beautiful? I shrugged it off and assumed he just worded it poorly and tried to focus on the positive aspects of what he said.
After that comment I noticed a lot of other things that added to my insecurity. When scrolling through his instagram together, I noticed that a lot of the women he follows look completely different to me. I am a very petite girl, small boobs, small ass, quite skinny. The models and porn stars he follows are all thicker women with huge asses and big boobs. I did not see a single model that even slightly resembled my body type. Even his background image on his phone is some random insta model with a huge ass wearing a bikini. I shrugged it off and thought a lot of men follow models and porn stars on instagram, I probably shouldn’t think much of it.
On top of all this, a couple months ago he began to make comments about how I should go to the gym with him and work on my ass. I was really hurt and immediately shut it down by saying the gym makes me anxious (I have social anxiety). He insisted if I was with him I would be less anxious so I told him I would think about it. This was the first of many similar comments. He has also said “think about how good your ass would be if you worked on it” and other things along that line. He has also mentioned other things about women's bodies less directed at me. While we were watching an episode of Botched he said “I would get my future wife a boob job if I was rich enough.” These comments continued for a few weeks until he realised I was hurt. He retracted some of his statements saying things like “I don't think you need to change, you’re perfect”, but the damage was already done and those comments seemed insincere. He also apologised by saying “I’m sorry for putting too much pressure on you to go to the gym, that was wrong of me. I love you regardless”. After hearing that a part of me felt bad for not putting in effort for him so i ended up signing up for my local gym. I only went once before the corona virus lockdowns and absolutely hated the experience. I felt incredibly awkward there and didn't know how to work the equipment properly.
He doesn't make comments about my body anymore but I'm still incredibly insecure about it. I dont take my shirt off during sex because I don’t think he finds my small boobs attractive. Since i’ve started doing this he hasn't tried to take off my shirt either, fueling even more insecurity. Despite this since he stopped making comments about my body he has been treating me well. He still initiates sex with me regulary and will grab my ass during a cuddle, so its obvious he isnt completely repulsed by me. Truthfully I don’t think he is a bad person for having a preference in body types, everyone is attracted to different things. I dont think his actions are at fault, I would just like to know how to gain confidence again. Should I start doing at home workouts so I can modify my body to fit his type? I don't know how I am going to stop being insecure over this.
TL;DR: My body type is the opposite to what my boyfriend is typically attracted to, how do i get over my insecurity?
Submitted March 31, 2020 at 10:18PM by common-fish https://ift.tt/2QZqcMn
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