My mother [67] painfully elbowed me [31F] in my hip in public because I ignored her. I'm not sure if I overreacted or not

My mum's been without TV for the last two days due to an aerial issue. She's been watching TV on her iPad but it's not ideal as she has arthritis in her neck, so I suggested an adaptor to connect her iPad to her TV.

The shop we went to didn't stock it but a sales assistant searched for alternatives we could try. My mum refused to accept they didn't sell it and kept interrupting her, demanding we talk to a "competent colleague who knows what they're talking about", and being generally impolite and difficult. She was being unnecessarily and embarrassingly rude to this lady, which isn't uncommon for my mother due to her anger issues.

While the assistant was showing me other products, my mum, for the fourth time, demanded to speak to another colleague. I was interested in what the assistant was showing me, and irritated with my mum's behaviour, so I didn't respond. When I didn't answer her the second time, my mum suddenly elbowed me in my hip. This wasn't a nudge to get my attention. It was 3 painful, forceful blows done in anger.

Something in me flipped and I completely chewed her out in public. I told her "DO NOT HIT ME! DON'T YOU EVER HIT ME!" My mum, mortified that people were looking, said "I only tapped you!" which only angered me more as it definitely was NOT a 'tap'. I immediately took her to the car (she's in a wheelchair; I'm her [unpaid] carer on top of having a full time job) and drove her home. We had a huge argument in the car, and I'll be honest, I was doing all the shouting while she took up her usual stance of giving me the silent treatment and refusing to answer/respond to anything, which she knows infuriates me.

I got her settled in her flat and told her I was going home. She hates it when I leave and started giving half-arsed apologies that all ended with a 'but'; "I'm sorry but I'd called you twice!", "I'm sorry but I didn't meant it!", "I'm sorry but it was only a tap!". When I didn't accept her apologies, she started crying, begging me to stay. This would phase me if it wasn't such a regular, and well-rehearsed, performance that she routinely defaults to whenever she doesn't get her own way. I got her inside, made sure she was comfortable, and left.

It's been a few hours and I've received a few voicemails and texts from her, crying and telling me how sorry she is (still all accompanied with a 'but', along with unrelated criticism/threats).

My mother has always had anger issues, and is probably narcissistic (just my own observation). She was abusive to me when I was a child; physically, emotionally and verbally. Nothing major but enough to leave mental scars and unpleasant memories. She continues to be very manipulative/controlling towards me even now.

I'm torn because on one hand she is a naturally abusive person and has never taken steps to address that and correct it. But on the other-hand, she's my mum; she's old, lonely, depressed, and vulnerable. I know loneliness, I know depression; I live it everyday. It upsets me thinking my mum's feeling so alone because of me.

I don't really know what I'm asking for here, I just needed to get this off my chest I guess.

TL;DR: My mum painfully elbowed me in the hips 3 times because I ignored her. I went home and she begged me to stay. Mum has long-stemming anger issues from when I was a kid but is also a vulnerable, lonely woman reliant on me. I feel both guilty for going home and leaving her on her own, yet justified because I shouldn't have to take physical abuse from anyone, even my mother.

Submitted January 04, 2020 at 01:10PM by Anniemaniac https://ift.tt/36ql5L8