We have been together for a year and a half and early on (2-3 months) we got into an argument about watching porn while in a relationship. He argued that if someone is sexually satisfied they wouldn’t need to watch porn and that watching porn and fantasizing over another persons body is cheating. I made the claim that when I watch porn, I don’t fantasize over the actors but I just watch the “performing” and imagine my partner instead, claiming that a lot of people in relationships do that too and that porn really only becomes an issue when someone expresses dissatisfaction and disinterest in their partner because of porn.
But since I wasn’t an avid porn watcher anyway, i accepted this “rule” with out realizing how violating it was. Along with not watching porn came not masturbating. Later on, he would talk about how masturbating is another form of cheating and how satisfied people don’t masturbate. For some reason, i thought this was rational and threw away my only sex toy in front of him to appease him.
Now it’s been over a year and i haven’t masturbated at all and its taking a toll on our sexual relationship. After about 8-10 months into the relationship, I was often anxious and uninterested in sex and when it did happen i usually felt dirty and guilty. I recently stumbled upon a forum of women’s sexual experiences and I realized that something was lacking. I realized I was disconnected from sex; it wasn’t fun and passionate like it used to be and became another thing you just do like washing the dishes.
After doing more “research,” i decided that this emptiness towards sex was because of the lack of a sexual relationship with myself. The dirty and guilty feeling were my boyfriends beliefs infiltrating our sex life. Up until i read the forums I fully agreed with my boyfriend, but I realized if I couldn’t even comfortably have sex with myself, how could i with someone else.
When i brought this up to my boyfriend, he lost his shit. And it was an episode that lasted about two weeks and during those weeks he basically just told me variations of “masturbating is cheating” and he even compared me asking to masturbate to me asking to be in a polyamorous relationship. He says that if i masturbated i’d be violating his relationship boundaries. I told him i have the right to explore my sexuality alone and he said he wants to do that with me and if i do it alone it’s cheating.
Well ever since then, i’ve lost interest in sex completely and i’ve lost most interest in anything romantic like kissing, cuddling, and hand holding. And it’s been like this for about a month and no sex. On the rare occasion i am horny, i think about how he won’t let me masturbate and i’m instantly turned off. I feel like i’m being controlled but I don’t know what to say because i’m scared of another freak-out episode. Please help.
tl;dr i haven’t masturbated in over a year to appease my boyfriend and then i started feeling dirty after sex. when i brought up masturbating to have a healthy sexual relationship, he went apeshit. now i have no interest in sex because i feel controlled.
Submitted January 03, 2020 at 06:54AM by xxthrowzzzawayzzzxx https://ift.tt/35lU8ab
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