My boyfriend and I have a consistent problem in our relationship that's lasted for years, and that's me not being able to comfort him correctly. It either ends with him saying I'm useless or don't care about him at all despite how much I try and it's upsetting and honestly exhausting.
For example, I accidentally upset him new year's day when I wasn't seeming super interested in him talking about politics. I've told him many times that I don't really like talking about them, and he often tends to info dump me as opposed to having a conversation. If I chime in, he snaps saying I'm interrupting, but then if I don't know much or have much to say he says I don't care.
This upset him deeply the other day and he said he was being optimistic and happy for once about the world when normally he hates everything and wants to die and I ruined it. I told him I'm very sorry and he cried. I kept saying how wrong I was and that I should've listened more enthusiastically but he kept saying how wrong and cruel I was. When I try and hug him, he gets mad and says it's awkward. If I talk in a comforting voice, he gets mad and says he hates it. If I sound sad or calm, he says I don't care enough.
Yesterday he got into a big fight with his mother (who is quite horrible) and I tried asking what happened, and he got really mad at me saying I shouldn't ask for details, just comfort him. I asked him later that night if he was okay but he ignored it, so I fell asleep. Then this morning I ask if he's okay again and wants to talk and he ignored it.
But then, since he was just sitting there silently on his phone, I went on my phone too and he then got mad saying I should care about him and ask if he's okay. I told him I just asked him a minute ago and thought he didn't want to talk about it but he said that he wanted me to try and push harder. He then stormed upstairs and I didn't message him for a bit and got a huge string of messages saying how I should have known to follow him upstairs. He ranted saying how little I care about him but I told him I tried, but that it's hard to know exactly what he wants when he often gets mad. I've apologized a ton but he hasn't quite forgiven me and is still lecturing me by text about how wrong I am.
This is very upsetting and difficult to always be blamed like this when I know I'm personally trying. It's hard too because I can't express my side to him. All fights end like this where I'm forced to apologize, hear an hour lecture about how wrong I am,vbut then never get an apology from him. He tells me I start and cause every problem and that I'm awful at showing I care about him.
All in all, it's been constant fighting since new year's Eve and I keep apologizing and trying but then I do something else wrong. I feel like crying from not knowing what to do, because there's no way to discuss this because he just defaults back to saying I was wrong in every situation.
Tldr; very difficult to comfort and communicate with boyfriend, always made to apologize and say I'm wrong in every situation, not sure how to better work with him
Submitted January 03, 2020 at 12:47PM by Smooth-Sock https://ift.tt/2SRa1Tq
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