Hello Reddit!
I have been dating a wonderful man [24M] for a little over 3 years now. We're both stable in our careers and he proposed, woohoo! I'm over the moon. We'll call him Ben.
Ben's brother Kyle [26M] started seeing this girl Caterina [28F] about 1.5 years ago. Ben actually worked with her and he set them up because she had a very overt crush on Ben. He figured maybe they'd hook up and she'd get it out of her system. I warned him that this was probably not the best idea...
Lo and behold, they became a couple. A month after we moved in together, they did the same (a few months into their relationship). We went on an overseas vacation, and by the time we got home they had booked tickets to the same place because (I quote) "we saw your photos, and thought about how it wasn't fair that you were there and we weren't".
These kind of weird, petty things have kept happening and Ben is very aware of it too. Caterina is also flat out rude and degrading to Kyle in front of family, she kind of treats him like a servant. She will ask him to fetch something, he'll ask if he can eat first and she will say no. This is also Kyle's first relationship. Early last year, Kyle proposed to Caterina. Ben has sat him down and had the "are you sure..." talk a couple times and he's convinced she's the love of his life. Now that's all totally fine; he can obviously marry who he likes and all Ben can do is express his concern.
This woman is very competitive with me. She will say things like "I didn't bring any Christmas baking, I knew you would and then it would be a competition". I just nervously laugh at these comments because I don't know how to respond. Opening Christmas presents from Ben and Kyle's parents, she will pretend to be excitedly curious about what I got, then drop the act and go "I was just making sure they were the same as mine" and walk away. Needless to say when Ben proposed to me she pretended to be super excited but I'm not buying it.
Ben's dad had a champagne toast for us at Christmas (and their cousin who just got engaged), and Caterina seriously asked him "what about us". He's a very jokey man and basically said "you guys had your turn". Oh also, Ben double checked with Kyle that we wouldn't be stepping on their toes, but they're having a two year engagement and I don't think it would be fair to ask Ben to wait to propose anyway.
Now enter the wedding situation. I am one of two bridesmaids in their wedding because she legitimately doesn't have friends. I do not want her to be a bridesmaid at my wedding and I'm struggling with feeling compelled to ask her. She's asking me to go to wedding shows with her now, and truth be told I just want to go with my friends. I don't want to worry about her strange petty comments, and am honestly a little worried about her trying to "one up" anything we plan.
I can't help but wonder if all this comes from some weird jealousy. She has started dressing Kyle like Ben, sending him to the same barber, asking Ben what aftershave he uses so she can buy it for Ben, annnd even has referred to Kyle as Ben when talking to me a few times. Help.
TL;DR I recently got engaged; I think my competitive, jealous future sister in law expects to be a bridesmaid. She also wants to wedding plan together, how do I navigate this diplomatically? Thank you!!
Submitted January 03, 2020 at 11:35AM by tomhanksthethrowaway https://ift.tt/39EFm1y
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