How do you guys live together with partners and not go crazy about not having your own space?

My husband (37M) and I (31F) have been together for 9 years and live together in a 2 bedroom London flat with a lodger in the small 2nd bedroom.

Not having a space that is mine is starting to drive me crazy. I feel desperate for a room where things won't be moved around when I leave, where I can choose to have my makeup table set up in the way I feel happy with and not the way my husband thinks looks neat, where I can go to it knowing that someone won't have made it all messy while I was out, but also where if I want to leave something and clean it up tomorrow, that is my choice. Somewhere i can decorate in my own style without having to negociate every little decoration.

When the lodger leaves, I really want that room to be mine, but my husband doesn't want that, because it is his house too. He agrees it can be a quiet seating area for me to use, but wants me to negociate all decor and furniture and to be able to use it whenever he wants (if I'm not in there) and the only way he would agree to keep it tidy is if I never leave anything out of place myself. In many ways that feels fair, but also it's not relieving my sense of needing space in the way I hoped. It's also very stressful when he is arguing for furniture than I feel would make it an ugly or uncomfortable room for lounging in, as I feel the safe space slipping away from me.

I know he would have plans for the space if it was just him, but I doubt think he feels the same desperation as me about needing space, as he is the larger presence and tends to take over (and leave very messy) any room he is in.

Do I have any right to demand that room completely, or in the pricey London housing market, is that just an insane unrealistic desire I need to get rid of?

Is this something other co-habitting couples struggle with too? How do you manage?

TL;DR: looking for advice on how to manage feelings of needing a physical space that is mine. Can I claim a whole room when space is at a premium?

Submitted January 05, 2020 at 01:46PM by SittingInACosta https://ift.tt/2s2jzjq