How do I (23F) kick my husband (31M) out? Am I even doing the right thing? My mom (50F, foreign) keeps being on my side and then acting like I'm a horrible person.

Hey all, I've posted here before under different accounts but can't locate the other posts and account names right now. I'm going to give a rundown of how my relationship started and got to the point it is at right now. Then I need help.

My parents come from a very strict culture. I was expected to either not date, or marry the first person I dated. Since I wasn't allowed to date boys in person, I met a guy on the internet who was 8 years older than me. We met in person a few times, and got legally married the fourth or fifth time that we met. High school girls don't see that men almost a decade older than them are losers. I thought he was an angel and perfect. All of the other dummies in high school were jealous. The marriage began literally weeks after I graduated from high school.

My parents were strangely supportive. I know it sounds weird, but imagine their cultural context - small Eastern European village where people marry the first person who likes them back, and marriages are held together by strict adherence to gender roles. They were both married around my age too, and it wasn't super unusual for a woman to be married to a much older man. Their marriage isn't happy by any means, they are actually very miserable people and should have never gotten married, but that's a topic for another thread - my point is, my parents were never going to be the ones who would shield me from making this bad decision. They invited us to move in for six months. They made it clear that this was to help us get off of our feet and whatever.

Three years later, he's still there. He has a Bachelor's degree, but has only worked low paying jobs so far. Every job is exploitation and wage slavery, according to him. I work more hours than he does per week (my weeks average 50-55 hours of warehouse labor, his are sub-40 hours of manual labor, I make more per hour as well), plus I go to college (full time until this semester - I'm just not keeping up), plus I'm in a volunteer organization (I tutor for my college because I want to be a teacher), plus I do all of the chores except taking the dog out in the morning. I'm lucky he's currently employed at all because before we were married, he wanted to be the top breadwinner (we always agreed on that), now he wants to be a SAHD despite never doing anything for anyone but himself. I have to beg for weeks for him to do laundry or wash dishes, he "never has time to get around to it".

A year and a half ago, shortly before I decided I don't want to be with him anymore, he got fired and I would come home from a day of college classes to him just sitting there, vegetating while watching YouTube, instead of looking for a job.

The thing is, we have been "having conversations" and "communicating" and "trying to talk openly" for years now. All that ever happens is he cries, apologizes, gets his act together for two days, and then it's back to this. I'm convinced that he's dedicated to being a loser, and only wanted a high school aged girl because she wouldn't see he's a loser. He has been this way for the five years we've been together, so I doubt it's a depressive phase that will pass. I've suggested therapy, physically brought him to a therapist once and paid for it, paid for him to get certificates and licenses (which he just never mails in the paperwork for), paid for him to go to workshops, all of that. He always thinks it's a waste of time, a bad idea, not worth it, etc. He is not ready to be an adult.

However, my mom is on the fence. In her culture, divorce is the ultimate sin. She thinks it's such an extreme option. She'll agree with me that he's a huge freeloader and should have been gone from her home years ago, he's extremely lazy, immature, not ready to be an adult. She'll get angry when he leaves a mess in the shared rooms (kitchen, bathroom), when he "forgets" to take the dog out when he's the only one home, when he "forgets" to do a simple favor asked of him (and therefore is habitually 40 min to 1hr late when having to pick up my mom who sold her car to help pay for a semester of my college). But divorcing him, or kicking him out? No, no, no, that makes me worse than him.

The thing is, I'll never be in my 20's again. I hate dedicating this much time to cooking, cleaning, and otherwise working around the house for this man. My life would be so much easier and I wouldn't even need to take so many overtime days if I wasn't taking care of this giant baby. Plus, I'm extremely in love with a male best friend who is closer to my age and much more successful in life - I have felt this way for a few months vs. the year and a half I've wanted to divorce my husband, so please don't think it's because of some guy. I will never be this age again, be able to do stupid goofy shit with other young people, be able to experience love and sex the way young people do, any of that.

My problem, I don't have the context to know if I'm being too cruel. I don't know anyone else who is in my kind of situation. I don't know how to gauge it.

And how the fuck do you kick someone out? I'm giving it until May, when my current part time semester ends because this man has messed with my GPA enough. My friend who I really like wants me to move in in May as well, so I'm low key thinking of leaving my mom to take care of my husband if he's really that innocent and I'm just "not trying enough"...

Help!

tl;dr: Got married right out of high school to older man who turned out to be parasitic, live with my foreign parents who think I'm bad for wanting to leave - help! How do I kick him out or get out of this situation?

Submitted January 23, 2020 at 10:57AM by dontgetmarriedat19 https://ift.tt/2tKi75Z