How do I (18F) get over my insecurity regarding the fact that my boyfriend (19M) may fantasize about others?

EDIT: I just want to reiterate that I am absolutely NOT blaming my boyfriend for this. I know that this is an issue with my insecurity, which is why I'm asking HOW to get over MY insecurity.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year and I'm honestly extremely happy; he's loving, kind, caring, and I do believe that he wouldn't do anytime to hurt me.

However I know that attraction to others is inevitable. Being in a relationship doesn't stop you from thinking others are attractive. I have definitely noticed guys who I thought were good looking, but the thing is I don't ever fantasize about them and instantly move on without giving them any thought. I'm just not the type to fantasize or lust after someone I am not in a relationship with.

Because I don't fully understand this process of fantasizing about others and still being totally devoted to your partner, it makes me feel extremely insecure despite knowing that this is irrational. I've read a lot about it, and I see that it's very normal and doesn't mean anything providing you do not act according to your fantasy. However I just can't seem to get over my own emotions and anxiety. From my perspective, it feels as though a fantasy of someone else is an indication that you have some desire/temptation to be unfaithful? But at the same time, I know logically that this can't be right, and again I do trust my boyfriend and am aware that a lot of these worries stem from my own insecurity. Essentially, I feel extremely mixed up and confused and overwhelmed. And it's just getting me down.

I've spoken to my boyfriend about this and he told me that he doesn't fantasize about other women. Now I do trust him, and he could be being completely honest - however I know that there's a chance that he's (understandably) only saying this because he knows how I am insecure and doesn't want to hurt my feelings, even though I have said to him that it is perfectly okay if he thinks other women are attractive, I just have my own insecurity to overcome. I know he hates seeing me upset, and there's a good chance that if he did fantasize about someone, he would beat himself up and deny it so to not harm me. I have decided to make it clear to him that he's not a bad person if he does fantasize, but not press him on it, as to be honest I know it's probably better if I just don't think about who else he's attracted to, even though morbid curiosity does make it hard not to wonder. I just don't know where to go from here.

Another thing that makes this hard for me to understand is when does a fantasy turn into a crush? Is frequently fantasising about the same person (such as a colleague) an indication that you are tempted to be unfaithful? When does does fantasising become damaging for a relationship? Do most people fantasize?-(specifically, about people they know?) Obviously me and my boyfriend are young, and so are pretty inexperienced. I would really really appreciate any advice.

Sorry that this is long and probably not very well written.

TL;DR: how do I get over my insecurity regarding the possibility that my boyfriend may fantasize about others? I know rationally that potential fantasies wouldn't affect his feelings towards me, however I just find it all hard to understand and get over.

Submitted November 22, 2019 at 11:52PM by oceanochraa https://ift.tt/2XDWRcC