Generic throwaway boyfriend is on reddit statement.
Boyfriend and I have been together for just over 2 years. Knew each other for one year then got a place together. We both work full time office IT jobs. I would say both introverted but I don't know anymore. At first everything was perfect and awesome but now I feel so suffocated. I don't know exactly how it got this bad. But I have been feeling it for the past 6 months. Basically I can't get any time for myself. I have tried scheduling, constant reminders, ignoring him when he forgets and interrupts.
I can go out with friends and he won't bother me with calls or texts. He goes out and does stuff occasionally and that will be the only time I get time to myself. So I do get a few hours a couple times a month. But it isn't enough and by that time I am so exhausted from waiting for those moments I don't enjoy it.
I use to read a lot. It is how I use to wind down at night. I didn't even realize I pretty much gave up on even trying to find time to read anything. Unless it is finding a rare moment outside the apartment like at work I can't even get through an NPR article without interruptions (work or boyfriend). It seems like I should be able to just say "Boyfriend, I am going to read. I would like to be left alone for an hour." But like 10 minutes later he will be at the door wanting to share something, asking a question that could have waited, just wanting to say "I love you" because he thought it would be a sweet thing to do and doesn't understand why it would be annoying. Adults deal with interruptions all the time, they shouldn't be a big deal or I have bigger problems. Often just when I started reading he would ask for me to come to him when I had a moment. Like, I didn't have a moment for an hour so why couldn't he wait until the hour was up instead of putting it on my decompress time? I got fancy and very large new headphones to show I was checked out but he would just wave his hands in my face to get my attention.
I use to run most days after work. I gave up on that to. I would tell him I need to run tomorrow. He would say he totally supports me and have fun. An hour later he would ask if I wanted to go to a store together tomorrow (for not important stuff). I would remind him I am going for a run but can maybe the next day. Before bed same conversation, I already made plans can't go to the store. I want to run. Next morning? Remind him again. The end of the day he is frustrated because he based his day around the store doesn't want to go tomorrow, asks if I can run tomorrow, and I cave because I am so exhausted from begging to just run for an hour, then the next day it is the same thing all over. I tried "tuesdays and Thursdays I run and you get all other days" which is significantly less than I use to run. But of course something always comes up and it becomes impossible to reschedule. Sometimes I can get in a run in because he wants to run. But then I am expected to run with him at his pace and sometimes I just want to be alone.
Of course he has his hobbies. The frustrating part is he only seems interested in them if I am trying to connect with him. Like I'll ask if he wants to play a game together, talk about some news thing, whatever, and he will ask to work on his hobbies. But the moment I leave the room and start anything there he is at the door.
We've fought over this a lot. He says it is a nice thing to walk to another room just to say "I love you." He feels underappreciated. He doesn't see me all days so he is excited to connect after work. It's just a minute and he can pause what he is working on and jump back in easily so I should be able to as well. I can run in the morning. If the books are so important I can get audiobooks and listen to them on my commute. I've tried explaining I can't get immersed in anything, I start work at 6am so mornings are harder to find time to run especially since it is darker out, I'm not exercising, I feel like I am suffocating, I just want to be left alone for just an hour once or twice a week. Sometimes he says he understands and it will be that way tomorrow then it isn't because he forgot. Each time it ends with him feeling like he is a terrible person when he was trying to be nice and then I feel bad about that. It's like all our conversations on this are going nowhere cause he wants someone he can exchange "love-yous" with whenever he wants and I want an hour of peace a night.
Last night we were packing to visit family leaving tomorrow. I packed a book and he commented he couldn't believe I was still reading it for the past 6 months. I didn't tell him it hurt so much to realize that. I don't read anymore. I don't run anymore. I've thought about taking classes but get anxious about finding space to study and keep putting it off. I feel like all I have to show for my accomplishments in the last 6 months is I have this boyfriend. I can't even tell him what I want because it will start as a false-hope that he understands and turn into a fight where I am a monster because he just wanted to say he loves me and I was more interested in a book or a run or whatever.
I know people are going to say leave him. I just like to think there is an alternative. Counseling maybe? How would I even explain we need it with out breaking his heart. He is my best friend and I do love him. It wasn't always like this so maybe we just need better communication and better habits. I don't think it is a controlling thing. I think in his mind he is just trying to connect and enjoy being in a partnership. But now I am sad, anxious, a little heartbroken. And I can't go home because the moment I walk in the door it will be so suffocating. If he just left me alone I would love him so much more but right now I can't even love myself because I can't even find time to take care of myself.
TL;DR I can't sit down and read for 10 minutes before boyfriend interrupts for mundane things. Can't plan a run without him forgetting and asking me to do other stuff he planned. I have no interrupted alone time in my own home. He sees no issue, I'm just overreacting to normal interruptions and need to schedule better. How do I talk about this with him?
Submitted November 22, 2019 at 04:58PM by goawaythrowaway8372 https://ift.tt/2ODCUP3
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