My [31M] wife [33F] doesn't want our baby to stay at my moms house

Not sure if this is the right place, but I need some input on how to handle this situation.

My wife and I have a 6 month old daughter. We haven't yet left her with anyone without at least one of us being there as well. Well this weekend a certain movie comes out that isn't really appropriate to bring a baby to that I've been waiting 27 2 years for, so the plan is to have my mom babysit.

Now my mom is great. She loves her granddaughter more than anything, she's been waiting for to be a Grandma for years, and she really is a great grandmother. My wife and mother have a great relationship as well. But theres just one problem, my mom smokes (we don't). Her house smells... for lack of a better word, gross. I personally can't stand it and my wife hates it even more.

I've had multiple conversations with my mom about quitting, or at least smoking on the porch if she's not going to quit, but so far theres been no change. My wife is adamant she doesn't want our baby in a house that smells like an ashtray, and I'm in agreement with her on that. But also... this is my mom... She knows how we feel about it, but I'm having a hard time just telling her "baby can't stay at your house because it reeks". I've told her I'd help her deep clean the house if she agrees to stop smoking in there so the baby can come over to grandma's but nothing has changed.

I'm lost on how to handle this. On one hand, I get where my wife is coming from and honestly I hate being in my moms house for extended time too, but on the other hand, this is my mom and its her first and only grandchild so far. Mom wants to watch the baby at her house (not ours, we've mentioned this too), and I want baby to go to my moms house.

Anyone ever had a similar situation? Any advice? Anyway to handle this situation without pissing off my wife and mother, which would make my week a living hell?

TL:DR - my moms a great grandmother but her house smells like an ashtray and wife and I don't want baby there for long periods of time. How do I handle this without pissing people off?

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who responded. I think a lot of it was stuff I just needed to hear.

So I talked with mom tonight after work, and I think the last conversation I had with her is starting to finally get through (before this post). I think its finally hit home that our kid(s) will not be spending any meaningful time at her house as long it remains in the condition its in. Mom seemed to just acknowledge that we feel strong enough about this to not let the baby over and was willing to accept a compromise.

I'll address a few things a lot of people asked real quick

1. Mom's been to our house many times, but the issue with coming over to babysit alone is that we have a hyperactive one year old golden retriever who means well, but can be a bit much for a 5'3" 100 pound soaking wet older woman. The dog loves everyone, but she loves a little much sometimes, and my mom is nervous about handling the dog and the baby without either of us there who can handle the dog or baby for her if it gets too much.

2. My mom never threw a tantrum, I just don't think she realized how much of an issue this was until it finally came time to face it. I, admittedly, pussyfooted around this for far too long, and my wife is the type of woman who will tell you what she thinks and not leave any mystery as to how she feels.

3. I think this is the biggest thing, I admit, and have had my wife in my ear for a while about it, that I don't like spending more than an hour at her house, nor does my wife. I've done all I can, but having strangers weigh in like this has made me realize that this is the hill I need to die on, and if my kids never stay at grandma's house, so be it. I want my kids to have a great relationship with their grandmother, and I know she'll be the best grandma she can be, but I've realized its not fair to subject them to a house I personally can't stand. Mom either needs to move or professionally clean her house, and I know this and I think she's finally coming to terms with it.

We came to a compromise for Saturday, mom's going to take baby shopping at the nearby strip mall with my Aunt while we see the movie. She won't be in moms house for any amount of time, but grandma still gets time with baby, and maybe even get a new toy to take home!

I think my last conversation with her finally got through, and although I didn't explicitly say it, I think she gets that we aren't comfortable leaving the baby there. If I have to have this conversation again, I think I'm ready to just flat out tell her how it is.

Thanks again everyone, sometimes you just need strangers to tell you to stop trying to make everyone happy and to tell someone who's in the wrong that they're in the wrong.

Submitted September 05, 2019 at 12:20PM by Throwaway15252885 https://ift.tt/34pz7fi