As the title states my family (mom, dad, sister, brother in law plus niece and nephew) have begun to leave me out of what I consider to be family vacations and I honestly do not know what to think of it.
It mostly started after my niece was born a few years ago. My sister and brother in law got married in 2012 and due to his unique job situation, were gone more than half the year (July-January into February). My parents would go visit several times without me which never really bothered me, as I would go visit on my own accord (my sister and I have close birthdays so usually around then). We never visited together. Two years ago my brother in law got a special opportunity for his job which included a trip to Hawaii. I was literally not even asked to attend. When I asked my sister why, she said they (not sure if her and my parents or just my parents) didn’t think I could get off work on such short notice of about 2 weeks. I was hurt because my sister and niece were going, my parents, my brother in laws parents, his brother, and a lot of their friends. I felt so left out that I was not even ASKED if I could make it. I was then tasked with watching my parent’s 2 dogs (I did live at home at the time). I was admittedly a little passive aggressive towards my parents (reliving teen angst at 26) and my dad yelled at me about it.
About a year ago my sister/bro in law are now back in town permanently. My sister had another baby and I make sure to go over on the weekend to visit, if she and hubby go on a trip I help my parents out with baby sitting, go to recitals etc. I try to make sure that I participate in their lives as much as I can, but admittedly it is hard with my own schedule and I feel guilty if I go a week without seeing them.
This past spring/summer, my family again went on 2 trips to Florida without even asking if I would be interested. I didn’t even learn about it until my parents asked me to dog sit (now have only a rescue dog-will get to this in a second). The first time they went to Destin and stayed on the beach, the second time to Disney World.
Most recently (as in this past weekend) I was again asked to watch the dog without any context. It turns out they all went to a NFL game as my brother in law is now a broadcaster, and they had what was literally captioned as a “family day” on Instagram. My friend sent me the post and pointed out that I wasn’t in the pictures so that was nice (she knows about the past vacations I have been left out of).
This most recent trip has really got me in the feels for a few reasons. For one, I just got engaged and my parents are helping with the wedding so I feel obligated to do their bidding and baby sit this stupid dog. Second, I honestly feel like I am not part of the family and neither will my future husband. I even feel like when I have kids they will be excluded from things like I have been. But it is so hard for me to say anything because honestly I am so used to not being included, I don’t even realize I am upset until it is too late (which is usually when I figure out they are going out of town with family and not to visit friends).
Addressing the dog: my mother got VERY INTO dog rescue in her retirement and she is ALL IN. I mean she is on the board of the rescue, coordinates fosters, etc and she “saved” this dog. He is basically a genetic nightmare. He is on a lot of meds and my mother is just ADAMENT that no one can take care of him and REFUSES to kennel him even at the rescue she runs. Plus the dog BIT A NEIGHBOR so I think she is scared to have someone else watch him (he is also aggressive towards kids-long story). She is so obsessed that last year she was supposed to go on a Disney trip with just my sister and the kids (yeah they go there a lot) and she didn’t go because she couldn’t find someone to watch the dog, SO I WENT. So yeah I did go on one trip but anyway:
Am I crazy to feel upset over this? I just don’t know if I should address it with my parents or sister. Not very close with the brother in law, but we all get long and I like spending time with them. And I also feel guilty saying anything with their help paying for my wedding. I am also second guessing if I should be upset because maybe this is just how it is when siblings get their own families. Like this is just a new dynamic that we all have to get used to? We never vacationed or traveled with family growing up but we were never very close to my aunt/cousins like that. I would just like to be asked, because I would like to go on a trip with my family and make memories too.
TL;DR My family keeps going on trips together without asking me to go and I feel like I am not part of the family and just a permanent dog sitter.
Submitted September 23, 2019 at 12:33PM by squatchhuntress https://ift.tt/2mUowYD
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