Hello Reddit! Before I begin, I want to be totally clear that I realize this is a "me" problem. I'm really embarrassed by the way I'm reacting to this, and want to learn from and correct my thoughts. I am the bad guy here, and I'm the one in the wrong. I came here because I worry that Rachel would be hurt if she knew I felt this way, which is the last thing I want, so I was hoping for anonymous internet advice rather than going to my friends. Please be gentle, as I am coming here from a place of vulnerability looking for advice.
Over the last year, Rachel [23F] joined my friend group [24-27M/F] and quickly became attached to the women in the group, especially me. She is really thoughtful and kind, smart and fun to be around, and I really like her. However, lately she's gotten a knack for insisting that everyone thinks we're "sisters" or "twins" very frequently, and it started to really bother me. It culminated over the past three days, when I counted over 20 instances of her telling a story where something about us was "identical," a random person thought we were "twins", or how "sisterly" we were.
This started happening regularly since she recently dyed her hair to match my fairly-distinctive color several months ago. The first time, a bouncer took both our IDs at once, and handed mine back to her and hers back to me. She was really excited about this, and told anyone who would listen the rest of the night how the bouncer mixed us up. Another time, we went out shopping, and were having fun trying things on and goofing around. A sales associate asked if we were sisters. Rachel happily said "yes!"
Ever since then, it seemed like Rachel took every possible opportunity to illustrate how similar she thinks we are. Aside from our now-matching hair, I personally don't think we look very alike, nor do any of our friends, but she insisted the delivery guy who came to her house thought she was me because "[OP] always orders anchovies, and I did too that time, so he probably thought I was [OP] and that I just moved!" Another time, she shared that she began wearing a specific shade of green and "everyone will probably think I'm [OP] now because she always wears this color." When it was our turn to face off in flip cup, she announced to the party that it was the "battle of the sisters!"
Over this weekend, it happened with enough frequency (quite literally 20+ times) that others started to comment to me how much Rachel says that. With each "we're siiiisters" comment, I grew a little more annoyed, and I spent a long time today thinking about why I reacted that way.
The embarrassing conclusion that I came to is that part of me resents the comparison because of my ego. I think that we don't look alike because I have a higher view of my appearance than I do of Rachel's. I'm frustrated by the constant "we're twins!" bit, because I'm offended. I'm ashamed of feeling like this, and I want to fix it.
I do think the frequency that Rachel does this hints at her own problems, but I want to be clear that I know the problem here is me. I realize that this egocentric response really stems from a sense of insecurity. If I were more secure in my appearance, I woudn't be offended by someone constantly and excitedly comparing the two of us. How can I move from my where I am now to where I want to be, and not be bothered by this?
Thank you for the advice.
TL;DR: My friend says with uncomfortable frequency that everyone thinks we're "twins" or "sisters." I realized the comparisons bother me because I'm an egocentric shit. How can I be less that way?
Submitted September 01, 2019 at 04:49PM by Boring_Poet https://ift.tt/2MOnbyg
No comments:
Post a Comment