My [F 36] husband [M 38] wants to see his married ex-FWB [F 38] on a solo trip to another city. He cut contact w/ her 6 years ago bc she was being inappropriate. I expressed stress/fear, and he told me to “deal with it.” Should I just shut up and suffer? No history of cheating.

Six years ago, my husband and I almost broke up because I heard a message on his answering machine from his ex-FWB. They hung out with a larger, established group of friends, but also had solo dinners regularly... So, it wasn’t weird that she left a message.

For context, my husband and I were six months into dating exclusively, and about to move to a new city together. She had just found this out.

Her message was a longing-filled, starry-eyed, “I’ll travel wherever you go, whenever you want me, etc.” I can’t replicate the exact language, but she went on and on in this syrupy, emo voice—LADEN with emotion. (She is one of those ppl who write poetry for fun, so the wording was really flowery and specific.)

His ex-FWB was also really territorial and actively mean to me every time we hung out in a group. Other friends would give me sympathetic looks. One of her best friends [F 38] even told me verbally that she felt bad for her friend’s behavior.

My husband also apologized to me for his ex-FWB’s behavior, saying she “just gets weird about her male friends.” When she friended me on social media, her previous profile pic was of her sitting on my husband’s lap with both their faces clearly showing.

At the time (over six years ago), I spoke with my husband’s best friend [M same age as husband], who confirmed the ex-FWB absolutely despised me and was jealous. He told me details about a party (pre-dating me, husband was single) that my husband threw where she hung all over him to the point where mutual acquaintances were saying, “I didn’t know they were together.” They weren’t at the time, according to husband’s best friend, and he said it was sad seeing her throwing herself at him. According to his best friend, and also according to my husband, husband and ex-FWB hadn’t had sex in three years before I met him. It had been a long time. The party was one year before we met (so two years after they stopped being intimate).

Husband also told me that ex-FWB freaked out on him during a solo dinner a few months before we met. She cried and told him, “You don’t see what’s right in front of you.”

Husband and I had several intense fights, culminating in me refusing to leave our current city with him (moving for HIS new job w/ better pay in a larger city where I knew no one). He begrudgingly agreed to tell ex-FWB that she made him feel weird at times bc she’s inappropriate. He is the type of guy who is EXTREMELY stubborn and rigid regarding his beliefs. He expressly told me he wouldn’t be saying these things to her without feeling they are true...

He told her. She was really embarrassed, and they stopped speaking (or so I believed). Husband and I moved to the new city, where we still live and got married.

Six years later, three years into marriage, he now wants to see his ex-FWB one-on-one during a solo trip. She got married in the interim (and moved to a different city with her husband), so he thinks that them hanging out is okay.

He says they haven’t had sex in a decade and that the way she treated me/her voice message are “ancient history.” They are, but my hackles are raised regarding this woman.

I expressed this, rehashing old feelings.

My husband screamed at me, laughed at me mockingly, and said he can’t believe I’m still “clinging to the past.” He told me he IS seeing her on the trip, and that I need to deal with it.

I’m scared that she will try to wedge herself between us again, despite being in different cities. Husband and I seriously almost broke up bc of her early-on, and I reminded him of that. He said it was ALWAYS all in my head, which hurt. I asked him why he didn’t say that six years ago. He was silent, but told me they never stopped talking. I pointed out that she didn’t invite us to her wedding, so clearly they weren’t talking that much.

I just did a cursory check of her social media, and she posted a nude photo covering her nipples with her hands (black and white photo, professionally done) a month ago. This is irrelevant to the story, but really makes me anxious.

We’re also trying to conceive and having a hard time. It’s been a stressful part of our marriage.

What should I do? I don’t want to be a doormat wife. His reaction freaked me out because there was a “you’re not going to divorce me over this” edge in his voice, like he could begin acting out without repercussions. It really hurt.

Tl;dr: Husband broke off contact with his ex-FWB because of me six years ago. In the interim, husband and I got married / moved cities. His ex-FWB got married / moved cities as well. He wants to see her solo in her new city, and when I expressed my discomfort, he flipped out and ended the fight with “Deal with it.” What do I do? Should I shut up and just try to handle them having a private night?

Submitted July 16, 2019 at 11:40PM by MinkOfCups https://ift.tt/2NY8Kc9