To be clear, I'm not posting this to paint myself as an arbiter of purity or to demonize my wife. I still love her very much and want to make our relationship work. We've been together for 4 years and I don't want it to stop now. I just would like some advice on how to deal with the argument thats going to happen later. Also, on mobile so apologies for formatting blah, blah blah.
So my wife has type 1 diabetes that she handles absolutely poorly. Never checks her sugars, has to use the cheap insulin from walmart that no one should use long term, has developed many complications including neuropathy, gastroparesis, eyesight failing etc. We have other issues going on right now as well that adds to our stress which is taking a toll on her health too.
I was given the opportunity to move to IN from TX to start work at a really good company that contracts with the Navy at the beginning of June. I accepted the offer after talking to my wife about it and her agreeing that it would be good for us. I made sure that she understood that this means she would have to step up her game at home because I would be working 12 hour shifts so she needed to pick up the slack while I was at work and that I wouldnt be able to do much even when I came back as I would need to go to sleep soon after I got back. She said she understood what it meant and she would be able to handle it.
We only had a few days to pack because she was in AR with my vehicle so I couldnt prepare beforehand. When she got back, we staged our items as best we could and started to pack things up in boxes. When I got the truck and started loading it, she took about 4 naps throughout the first day, each for over an hour and wasnt being very helpful throughout the whole ordeal. The second day she took about 3 naps for the same amount of time and would get extremely upset because I was carrying on without her and apparently she didnt want some of the full boxes to be packed up until later. She was being more of a nuisance than a partner and she was making things even worse by pissing off my friend whose house we were moving out of. Making shitty comments to him, yelling at him when he would point out she was packing some of his things in with ours etc. He told me that she was never allowed back to his house ever again. Me and my daughter were but she wasn't.
When we finally made it to our destination, she was less than helpful when it came to unpacking. I unloaded the truck, I moved everything into general areas, and I took care of our daughter when she needed food or attention. She unpacked some of the boxes but was getting side tracked with putting stuff up on the walls or little side projects that weren't important at the moment.
I went to my first day and she started helping more while I was at work but after those three days, she just stopped completely. She has laid in bed for the last week and a half saying that she doesnt feel good. I would get home from work at about 5 in the afternoon to find my daughter screaming and my wife laying in bed. I would have to stay up until about 1030 at night and take care of everything around the apartment while she slept. I would then have to wake up at 230 in the morning and repeat until today. I'm at my wits end. Its like she's given up and I know she doesnt really want to be here but I feel like she's giving up on life and our marriage.
Last night was the breaking point for me. I had been searching for a second car for a while and yesterday I finally found one that I liked. I came back to the apartment to get her so that she could drive the car home after I finished the paperwork. On the way back home, she got into an accident in our old car. Everyone was ok and there werent any injuries but right after she started arguing with me about everything. What we should do for dinner, why I was trying to return the vacuum cleaner instead of going to get food even though we didnt have money for food, so on. After the accident I drove around for about an hour and half, constantly stopping and then having to turn around and go somewhere else and she wouldnt let up at all. I chalk that up to just the stress of everything that happened that day but it was all too much for me and everything was adding up.
When I brought it up to her this morning she shut down and just kept saying okay when I would tell her why I feel this way. She doesnt seem to want to put in the work for our marriage to work out and it hurts. It's like she doesnt care about me or us or our daughter and I dont know what to do anymore.
TL;DR: Wife stopped trying and refuses to acknowledge my concerns or change behavior. Major life changes have exacerbated her attitude and I cant handle everything for the both of us anymore. Help?
Edit: two things here.
I feel like I might have made this sound like it's a one time issue. This has been going on since we got together. She would fix the issues for about a month or two and then go back to the same shit again. Shes doing absolutely nothing to slow the progression of her diabetes. Everything she drinks is high in sugar and everything she eats is either high in sugar or high in carbs and she thinks the bullshit insulin will help with that.
Second, insurance doesnt kick in until tomorrow and doctors visits are the first thing to take care of tomorrow
Edit 2: for those that think I should take custody; I can't for a few reasons. Most prevalent being that I would have no way to care for her myself. My shift at work starts @ 4 and there isnt a daycare in the world that opens that early. Second, I have to go to sleep at 630 pm in order to get 8 hrs before waking up again and doing it all again 4 days a week. Logistically, I cant
Submitted June 30, 2019 at 04:15PM by IM_neurotoxin https://ift.tt/2FJa7ot
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