[UPDATE] Bf (21M) told me (22F) yesterday that I should go out, which was followed by "so that I can feel like i'm dating someone who actually has a life". **After days of me being upset, he CHEATED on me**

After making the original post, a series of things happened that caused me to be upset; I think all the comments brought to light how abusive he was, so I started standing up for myself and opened up about the many things that were wrong. Original post here

Backstory: shortly after making the post, since he kept expressing things for the last few months that made me feel like he wants to be single (e.g. he goes on about wanting to solo-travel, he wants to go out and meet new people and complains that I don't offer him that social lifestyle; and then he brought up wanting to move overseas) I got the courage to tell him it makes me concerned that he has spoken about moving overseas (or travelling) but never included me in the vision, he raised his voice and said "well, if I move overseas then who cares we'll just break up". Obviously, it sounds like he wants to be single. I know in my heart that if you love someone you see them in these futuristic ideas so I backfired and told him that. He immediately took it back and said "okay, you took it the wrong way, I meant that it's the worst that could happen".

Anyway, after that argument I got distant and felt hurt that someone who I've been seeing for about 3 years is not interested enough in me to be able to visualise me doing amazing things with them. So, he came home after work (it was a Friday night) and I said "you know what, you sound like you want to be single so f*ck off and go be single"; he knew I was upset and feeling resentful. So, he went out at about 6pm and didn't come home that night. He called me midday and wanted to get lunch with me, so I texted him everything expressing why I was still upset; for those of you that want the goss this is the exact text (can skip if cba doesn't add much to the story):

"It's funny that you say something so strongly like "if I move then we're breaking up who cares" and then expect me to be able to forget it. Your plans and comments all sound like you want to be single, you want to go solo travelling, you want to meet new people and openly complain about how i don't offer you that, you want to move overseas but never thought of me in that vision. Those are straight red flags in any relationship, it doesn't come down to me being concerned bc of "not having a life" and me "not being confident" like you would hope to put it to. You've fucked up my head by making me believe if i was just more this n that then maybe I'd be able to come. You could of just left it at a strong fuck yea i want you to come, or no I really need to do this by myself, but you never did, and instead you had to try convince me why i wasn't good enough when deep down you knew you wanted to go alone. I told you weeks ago to stop making me feel like i'm inadequate and that was well before this bullshit travelling topic came up."

Anywho, he replied that he feels like his life is really boring and that many of his friends are moving overseas so he feels "sh*t scared out of being bored". He said he has been projecting that frustration towards me (which so many of the comments on the original post pointed out!! Well done). He said he'd hate for me to change, and that he does really love me and that he is sorry.

So, I ended up meeting up with him that day to see what else he had to say.. we hung out most of the day, and then he told me that he slept with someone else, he was crying and said that he took my "you know what, you sound like you want to be single so f*ck off and go be single" seriously and genuinely thought I was breaking up with him. He said to me "the person I loved was out the door, and so I drunk heavily and ended up going back to a girl's house and ended up having sex with her when I was blackout drunk". He also said he was sick of how things were going in our relationship, and all he wants is for both of us to be happy.

So, despite him finally admitting that he has been in the wrong with the way he has been treating me, he has now cheated on me and brought about a whole new level of issues to the relationship. Now I'm incredibly confused, I don't know what I want. All of the initial issues sound resolved, but now I have to deal with the fact he has toyed with my trust, is his behaviour here acceptable given that I loosely said go be single?

TL;DR: After an ongiong argument to do with him not seeing me as good enough and sounding like he wants a life without me, I told him out of resentfulness "you know what, you sound like you want to be single so f*ck off and go be single" and he did just that and had "blackout drunk sex" with another girl. Is this acceptable given that our initial issues appear to be resolved?

Submitted May 26, 2019 at 02:41PM by dustydingbat http://bit.ly/2YRWHO3