I [28M] suspect my mom [52F] of manipulating situations to make me look bad.
As background, I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. She has pretty bad anxiety and gets offended very easily - often interprets any tiny remark to be a slight against her, that sort of thing. She also gossips almost constantly, but I mostly ignore it.
I had to go on a trip, and my mom, who lives 6+ hours away, kept insisting that she come to watch my dog. I had mentioned in passing that I was going to board the dog, but she kept insisting over and over that she loves my dog, doesn't get to see him enough, and that he'd rather get to stay in his own home than be boarded. I told her driving 6 hours just to dogsit is ridiculous, but she also said she'd visit family nearby, so she wouldn't be driving that far just to dogsit.
Next, she said she'd drive me to the airport. I had been planning on taking public transport, but she kept saying she was going to be there with a car anyway, I should save myself the money. I tried to tell her no, but she basically nagged me into saying yes, just like with coming to watch the dog. Then, the morning of the flight, she suddenly suggested that I take public transport. At that point I had planned on her driving me, so I hadn't planned on leaving work early enough for public transport to work. I don't know if she got anxious about driving or decided she didn't feel like it or what, but I called her and asked why she didn't tell me earlier if she didn't want to drive. I basically said you need to tell me in the next ten minutes if you're able to drive me, because I need to go talk to my boss and tell him I need to leave work early, check the transport times to make sure I make it to the airport in time, etc. She said she didn't realize it would be "that much trouble" and she could drive me. I thought this was weird and it kind of annoyed me, because she had been the one who insisted on driving me.
She drove me and everything seemed fine, except then she says "do you need me to pick you up from the airport when you get back?" Again, I hadn't even thought of this, I just assumed I would take transit back, especially because train delays and such wouldn't matter as much because there would be no risk of missing my flight. I told her I could just take public transit, but she said "Okay, you decide if you want me to pick you up and let me know." I thought this was kind of weird because I thought I had just told her that I didn't need her to drive me?
Then, once I land, I get a fucking rude text from my dad saying "you need to take transit home from the airport and stop using your mother like a chauffer." I had no idea where this was coming from, because she was the one who offered to pick me up from the airport and I was the one who told her she didn't need to.
Then my mom sends me a text that's basically word for word what my dad wrote to me. Like I could tell from the word choice and weird way it was phrased that he wrote it and not her. I have no idea where this is coming from, again because she was the one who insisted on watching the dog, insisted on taking me to the airport, and offered to pick me up from the airport. Apparently my parents have been trashtalking me behind my back and devising some kind of message to make me feel guilty.
I can only assume she's been talking about me behind my back to other people too, like she does with everyone else. I usually don't mind her keeping the family updated on my life, but then I remembered something. A few months ago she was pissed at my brother because he "made" her drive 4 hours to watch HIS dog while he was out of town. She literally complained about it for 20 minutes, saying how he was taking advantage of her, why would he expect her to drive 4 hours out of her way just to watch his damn dog...
And she's the one who insisted on driving 6 hours to babysit my dog. So now she's probably running around to all her family and friends saying "Squirrelly made me drive 6 hours just to dogsit, and then he had the nerve to treat me like a car service, chauffeuring him to and from the airport."
Like has she been doing this my whole life? Manufacturing drama and then twisting situations so she has something to complain about? It makes me so angry that people think a grown man takes advantage of his mom, when honestly it feels like the exact opposite. I don't know if I should confront her about this, or just try to put my foot down and refuse this kind of help from her in the future.
TL;DR My mom keeps offering to do things for me, I try to say no but she insists. Now she and my dad are making it sound like I take advantage of her and ask her to do all this for me. I think she might be twisting these situations so she has something to complain about to her friends. Not sure if I should bother confronting her or just put my foot down and say no to any kind of help in the future.
Submitted May 26, 2019 at 03:03AM by verysquirrelly http://bit.ly/2VTnsji
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