I (26f) am really good friends with a girl (26f) at work. I'm an attorney and she's a paralegal - I have noticed recently she makes a lot of underhanded comments and doesn't seem to take me seriously as a lawyer, it's kind of starting to get annoying. What should I do?

Hey everyone,

So I have been friends with Emily for about 5-6 years now. My dad owns the law firm we work at, so he is our boss. I always worked at the law firm throughout college/law school and we became friends.

I am very close with Emily - but she is a very hyper-sensitive, insecure person and it causes problems sometimes. There always seems to be some type of drama that she is upset about. I try to always support her emotionally, but when I have a ton of work to do, it's hard to deal with. I'm always there for her though. Although, it seems like she 'hides' things from me and then later tries to let me know she's been crying all day in her office but had other friends at work comfort her, as if she wants me to feel bad that she didn't come to me.... maybe that's in my head.

Anyway, I've been noticing these underhanded comments recently. I have been a licensed attorney for about a year, and admittedly half that time I don't know what I'm doing and I still have SO MUCH to learn - but I do take some pride in the fact that I've written motions and briefs that my boss has said are really good (not perfect of course but good for a first year attorney...and I recognize maybe he is biased because he's my dad, but he also has very high expectations and can be very critical of writing because he is a great writer...).

Of course, I've never said anything to Emily about the fact that my boss said something I wrote was very good. Those conversations are private and my dad knows how sensitive she is and I find both myself and my dad downplay if I did a good job at something because he doesn't want to upset her.

I do downplay things so that she feels like I am not 'above' her - not that I think I am at all, but I am sensitive to the fact that it would very much upset her if she felt I was. So, i will ask her questions and for advice on how she thinks I should do something.

Anyway, the other day I was talking to her about a brief I had to write quickly. This brief was what is called a 'reply' - so basically, I wrote a brief, the other side responded, and I was 'replying' to their response. I wrote the initial brief myself without any help and my dad had no changes and said it was good. I told her I needed to write the reply and was asking her opinion on something pertaining to that, and she got all quiet and kept saying things like "well... maybe your dad is writing it" or "maybe his partner should write it and help you out." I ended up saying that I wrote the first brief alone so I think I'll be fine replying and she got super quiet and seemed annoyed. (?)

Also, last week, an attorney on the other side of a case was calling for my dad to ask him about a scheduling issue he wanted to call the court about. He wanted my dad to be on the phone call with him and the court. My dad was busy so he told Emily to have me call that attorney back and we could call the court together. Emily let me know and she said probably 5 times something to the effect of "he only wants you do this since it's just a scheduling issue, nothing more serious than that." (aka since it's not a substantive issue, which I am not by Emily's standards qualified to talk to the court about, then my dad approves of me being on the call alone - not even true and she doesn't know what my dad feels I am capable of at this point, but whatever). At one point, I said "well, i am on the case..." and she didn't really get what I was saying and laughed saying I sounded like a detective. I didn't want to upset her so I just laughed too.

Final example: a few weeks ago I was a bit nervous because my dad told me I am going to take these depositions that are coming up in June by myself. This will be the first time I take a deposition, and it is very nerve-wracking. Emily was talking to me about scheduling them, and she was making sure they fit into my dad's schedule too. I mentioned he told me I will be taking them. Again, she went all quiet and kept saying things like "wow are you sure" and stuff like that.

She acts like I can't do anything alone. Honestly, it's not her job to dictate what I do or what my dad assigns for me to work on. At the end of the day, I am a licensed attorney and I need to write my own briefs and take depositions so I can learn how to do this as I advance in my career. I don't know why it offends her or seems to be threatening to her.

If my dad is traveling for a court hearing or an out of town deposition, she always acts bewildered that I'm going too. While I may not be the one actually taking the deposition or arguing in court, my dad takes me along so I can start to get more comfortable so that one day I can do it too.

I don't want to have to act like I don't actually do anything an attorney does anymore just to spare her feelings. I have learned so much in the past year but I can't share it with her because she gets so offended. I just feel like I'm always walking on eggshells around her.

tl;dr -- I am good friends with a girl at work who is a paralegal while I'm an attorney. She constantly seems offended if I do anything an attorney does. I am sick of walking on eggshells. Advice?

Submitted May 25, 2019 at 07:19PM by PuzzleheadedFortune0 http://bit.ly/2VPN00R