I am 33M, and I have been married to my wife for 7 months. She is 6 months pregnant.
We have known each other for 14 years. We first started dating 13 years ago. We had an on and off again relationship. Our first relationship lasted from when I was 20 to when I was 22. We broke up because of a stupid argument. Our second relationship lasted from when I was 23/24 to when I was 26. We ended on mutual terms that time, because of our busy lives. But trust me, she was my first love and the only woman I have been in love with. Almost all the happiest memories in my life were with her.
About 2 months after we broke up the second time, she began dating another man. He was around my age. I remember that he and I looked quite similar. We were both tall and blond, blue eyed, athletic physique. They dated for 7 months before getting engaged. Of course I was devastated. I was barely over her and she was getting married to another man. She seemed to be so in love with him.
1 month after they became engaged, they were in a car accident together. He was the driver and was killed instantly by a drunk driver on the highway. She got a concussion and a few broken ribs but was fine. After, she acted strangely. I knew because Im friends with her brother in law. He told me that she basically acted like her fiance never existed. I actually connected with her and visited her in the hospital. She seemed really shaken up but surprisingly calm. I agree her calm attitude was a bit strange. She never mentioned his name.
Three months after his death, she began dating someone else. A string of short relationships followed. Then, about 4 years after our second break up, and 3 years after her fiancés death, we got back together. She told me that I was her first love, and her only love. She told me that nobody else compared to me. She never, ever mentioned her previous fiancé.
Six months after we started dating again, my older brother died from a mugging. His pregnant wife miscarried. She helped me mourn and was a rock during those hard times. We got married 7 months ago. About 2 months after our wedding, my father passed from pancreatic cancer. Again, she comforted me and my family through this time.
Yesterday, I found her sobbing into her pillow like she has never cried before. Im talking loud, gut wrenching sobs. I asked her what was wrong. She told me everything was wrong. She said it was the anniversary of her past fiancés death. It was the first time she had ever mentioned him to me. She said that she had a dream about the day he proposed to her, it was basically a reliving of that day, that it felt so real to her. She even dreamed that she was pregnant with HIS kid. She said she was sorry, but for some reason amidst all the tragedies she’s been thinking more and more of her fiancé.
I askd her if she was in love with him. She said she was. It hurt me, to be quite honest, knowing that I’m not the only man my wife’s been in love with. But I told her that it was okay, that I understood her pain. She then spilled so many things, that she felt really guilty about getting married and being pregnant when my sister in law had lost her husband and her baby, that she missed my father and it made her worry about her own parents, that she wants to go back to a time before all this pain and loss and heartbreak.
Im worried for her. It has been a day and she’s still in bed. She won’t get up except to go to the bathroom. And I found out that she had kept her fiances engagement ring to her as well as a polaroid of them together. I saw her holding the items last night.
My heart breaks for her. I havent had a easy couple of years but she hasnt either. What should I do? Should I encourage her to get therapy? I am, but she has refused to go. I am also getting confusing feelings of jealousy towards her dead fiancé, which is troubling and strange.
TL;DR: Wife had a breakdown yesterday, the anniversary of her past fiancés death. Im worried for her and for myself.
Submitted November 01, 2018 at 08:41PM by bondjames-bond https://ift.tt/2PFn34W
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