My boyfriend Tommy is a huge stickler for rules, he had really strict parents, and feels genuinely uncomfortable breaking a rule or social norm. He's never really been in a situation where he felt like rules were unjust, he basically thinks they're there for a reason.
On the other hand, my mom who raised me on her own taught me to question everything. To give you an idea of her personality... The first time I was called for jury duty, she taught me about jury nullification. (Basically, if you believe the person committed the crime they were accused of, but you think the law is unjust, you can choose to say 'not guilty') We also did some not quite legal stuff to get by, like trespassing to dumpster dive.
We also did a bit of urban exploration into abandoned buildings for fun, I was really into photography as a teen, and some of my best memories with my mom involve sneaking around and taking pictures. My mom was totally cool with me cutting school if there was something like a bullshit pep rally going on, but taught me to always go to my actual classes, and work hard in them.
It's not like I'm totally disregarding every rule, and just doing whatever. I do have a moral code, it just centers around being kind, and helping people, and having compassion, rather than following the letter of the law.
This difference between my boyfriend and I has started to show up in little ways. I can give a few examples.
When I was in college, there was an all-you-can-eat dining hall. You could use meal passes to get in, or to bring a guest in. However, students living on campus were required to buy some minimum number of meal passes, so many that most people would have ones left over by the end of the semester. No refunds allowed for unused meal passes, of course. I thought that policy took advantage of students.
I started offering some of the homeless people in my college town a pass into the cafeteria, especially on cold days, so they could get a warm meal and a place to sit for a while. Sometimes I'd sit and chat for a bit, but I often couldn't stick around because I was busy with school. That technically violated the rule about having to stay with your non-student guests. But I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, I was just giving away meal passes that I paid for but knew I wouldn't use myself. My boyfriend was super uncomfortable with me doing that, he literally wouldn't be willing to walk with me while I did this. He was really worried about me getting in trouble.
Another thing was that, after I'd graduated, I would use my student ID anywhere that offered student discounts. Like while clothes shopping. When I did it in front of him, he got really antsy and told me that he was really uncomfortable with me doing that shit in front of him.
I also have a habit of politely asking for free upgrades on things like flight seats and hotel rooms. I always take it graciously if I'm told no, but I've gotten upgrades surprisingly often, like getting moved to an open first class seat, just from being kind and asking nicely. Tommy doesn't like that either; he says I'm just asking to get things I didn't pay for, for free. Like he's not wrong, but I don't feel weird about it like he does.
I'll still dumpster dive on occasion; I live in an area with lots of college students who will throw some nice stuff out because it's too inconvenient to move when the semester ends. I absolutely know Tommy wouldn't be cool with standing watch while I do that, so I'll usually go with a friend.
I don't really know how to compromise on this. I've tried to not do the more egregious stuff in front of him, but he hasn't really loosened up about the little things.
TLDR - My boyfriend is a stickler for rules, and I'm the opposite. Is there a way to meet in the middle?
Submitted November 01, 2018 at 02:17PM by jeanvaljean2928 https://ift.tt/2PCrIER
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