This is going to be a long post because my thoughts are a mess. Please bear with me.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. I've known him since he was 6. He is a good person, he cares for others and he's really sweet with me for the most part. He supports me endlessly, he gives me advice and he does whatever he can to brighten my days. He listens to me no matter what I'm saying.
Despite all that, our communication isn't always great. Sometimes, a seemingly harmless adjective that I used in a sentence will annoy him. He gets offended quite easily and focuses way too much on trivial details, missing the greater picture. Other times, he claims that the tone of my voice is too cold. On such occasions, he insists that he is right no matter what I say and gets really angry.
This is where the problem starts. He starts yelling at me. I try to clear up the misunderstanding and calm him down, but he gets even more defensive. I, as a person, dislike raising the tone of my voice, especially in public. So, when I find myself in the middle of a shouting match, I have the tendency to run away. I want to stop the fight, gather my thoughts, give him a chance to rethink the situation.
But he won't let me. Whenever I try to walk away, he grabs onto my arms. His grip is really tight and when I tell him that it hurts and beg him to let go he doesn't. In the past two months, this has happened twice. The first time, he dug his nails so deep into my arm that it bled a little. The marks are still visible, although the wounds have healed. The second time, he left a bruise. Both times, after things calmed down, he didn't really acknowledge what he'd done. He said he was sorry since I insisted, but claimed I was overreacting. He told me that he didn't want me to run away from the situation and he didn't think that he grabbed me that hard. When the marks appeared, he finally apologised sincerely.
These past few days we went on a little vacation, just the two of us. One night, we were getting really intimate and were in the middle of our first time. However, both of us were really stressed. I tried to tell him how to position himself because I noticed him struggling, I was genuinely trying to make it better for the both of us, but I suppose I talked too much and got on his nerves his mood started worsening and at some point his just mounted me and covered my mouth and nose with his hand way too aggressively. I couldn't breathe, I started crying, he got really mad and he left me lying there in the middle of the bed. He threw the condom at me, he got dressed and he started calling me all sorts of awful things. Then he approached me again and asked me what happened, I told him that I was scared and that his gesture was way too hostile and demeaning. Then he sort of grabbed/hit the side of my face and made me cry even more. I have two bruises where his hands pressed my face, near my chin.
After he calmed down, he apologised hundreds of times. He explained that the mouth-covering was supposed to be a "calm down, trust me" kind of gesture. He cried a lot (he cries very often in general), he told me that he had felt insecure, that he knew that his words and his actions afterwards weren't justified. He begged me not to change my opinion of him. He asked me whether I was going to break up with him, whether we would ever get intimate again. He was a mess. It felt like he was being sincere.
I have already forgiven him, but is it okay for me to overlook his actions? My father noticed the bruises on my face today and asked me if my boyfriend had hit me. I reassured him that he hadn't, but he went on to say that I should never stay in a relationship if the other person raises a hand on me once, because he'll do it again.
I don't know what to think of all this. I love my boyfriend. He is my most trusted person. But I can't help but feel uneasy when he gets mad. Something about his facial expressions and his intentions to cause me pain scares me.
In less significant situations, he may try to twist my hand in order to get me to surrender during a small disagreement. At those times, he isn't angry, but he admits that he intentionally caused me pain so that he could get his way. He doesn't use extreme force, nor does he leave any marks, and I don't believe that he would go as far as to cause me problems, but I'm still uncomfortable with it.
Is he abusive? Does he simply lose control of his strength? Should I be worried? Any opinion/advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: My boyfriend of 4 years can be really sweet and supportive, but he also has violent tendencies when he gets mad, e.g. during arguments. He hasn't punched me or anything, but his strong grip has left marks and bruises on my skin on several occasions. Should I be worried?
Submitted November 18, 2018 at 01:34PM by countlessmistakes https://ift.tt/2Kc5sg3
No comments:
Post a Comment