A week ago, my father committed suicide at home. He was suffering from a rare form of early onset dementia. We are unsure of how he managed to commit the act, as he struggled immensely with day to day tasks. For that reason, the death is fairly shocking even though he had been quite sick for over a year. My mother was home when he did this and is understandably shaken and upset.
I moved out of their home about 6 months ago. A therapist suggested I get out, as my dad's condition, my mother's agony over the situation, and various other factors were hurting me emotionally. I was crying almost constantly, lost 30 pounds, and couldn't find any joy in life. It was a move that can be described as putting on my own oxygen mask first - I could only help them after I helped myself. Since moving out that has all changed. I only live 10 minutes from my childhood home, but I've been much healthier and happier! I've joined a gym, started dating a wonderful guy, and started a new career.
After Dad's death, I moved home for a week to help my mother out. On Saturday when I was preparing to leave, the guilt began. My mother has decided that I need to move home. She is in this big house all by herself, and obviously she doesn't want to be alone. She also feels that I am financially unstable and moving home would help me build some savings. I lost a job earlier this year which did set me back, but I am working forward in my new career. It's not great pay, but it is a start! I feel confident that I will be okay.
I think that she feels that now dad is gone, I would be happier at home. I know, however, that isn't the case. At home I would have no privacy. The whole house is open concept, and she is a bit of a meddler. She likes to be very involved with my life, sometimes to an alarming extent. We also had a rocky relationship when I lived at home. I love her very much, but I am an only child and she often pushed me to perfection.
I am afraid that if I come home, all of my progress will be set back. I need to grieve my father on my own, but she can't see that. I also don't want to hurt her feelings by staying in my new place, but I have a feeling I will hurt her no matter what. How can I live with this guilt? How can I make her see that I know what's best for me?
**TL;DR; : Dad died. Mom wants me to move home. I'm much happier living alone but she can't bear that. What can I do to make her see that I have to do what's best for me?**.
Submitted November 05, 2018 at 06:00AM by hauxli https://ift.tt/2P8FkIy
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