Been together 3 years, lived together for most of it (I moved into his house really quickly). I've never felt like he's really tried to get to know me. I ask him questions about his family, favourite memories, firsts, his hopes and dreams, goals, ideas, beliefs, etc, but I he never puts the questions back onto me or seems interested in getting to know me. Sometiems he acts as if he has me all figured out. I don't really feel "special" in my relationship-- when I bring this up, he says he does lots of things for me, namely chopping the firewood, cooking dinner, stacking firewood, paying house bills-- but those seem like things he would do even if we weren't together?
He doesn't seem to be interested in getting to know my career goals, about my family, he doesn't know any of my friends, how many kids I want one day, what marriage values I might have/marriage timelines, places I want to go. He's made dismissive comments about my family members before that I totally disagree with (ie) asking my dad to go fishing with him, my dad isn't really into fishing, so he dismisses it as "your dad doesnt even like me". It hurts because I spend time with his mom, have tea with her, we're really close, I've gotten to know some of his friends girlfriends. Sometimes it just seems like he is indifferent to me and I could be someone else entirely and it wouldn't really matter. I told him this, and he said he always asks about my work day (I was hoping for something a little deeper than that from time to time), and that "he doesn't really need to know my past before we met", this broke my heart because I'm a SEPARATE person from him-- he only seems to appreciate me in the context of our relationship. I had a whole life before him that shaped me into the person I am today, he doesn't seem interested in it. We never have deep conversations about the world or our values in it. I don't think he knows anything deeper about me than my parents, siblings, or friends do-- and I want a relationship where we know each other inside and out. If I talk about my future and it doesn't directly include him, he gets upset.
My birthday just passed and he didn't get me anything or acknowledge it. When I brought thisup, he said he tried to plan a weekend getaway but I wasn't interested (he brought it up on Tuesday, the weekend before my birthday, and I couldn't really get the time off work), I didn't think that meant he shouldn't do anything at all. Even a card with a short statement about why he loves me would be nice. He said "we'll celebrate it sometime soon, I promise" but I doubt that will happen. He said the same thing on Valentines day. We don't really go on dates or buy each other gifts beause money's tight, and I don't put pressure on him-- but he buys himself a lot of expensive hobby equiptment whenever he wants, and it makes me feel like I'm not a priority.
TLDR: My boyfriend says he loves me, but I don't really "feel" it or know why I'm special to him. I know he'c committed to me, but sometimes I don't really know why? Sometimes it makes me feel lonely in my own relationship. What does this mean?
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 03:41AM by thisgirllovesherdog https://ift.tt/2QLkHiw
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