I am writing this on a burner account. I have been with my partner for 5.5 years after my previous marriage broke down. He has been the most amazing partner and step dad to my child for all that time, we live together and everything has been perfect except for one thing.
About a year in to our relationship he lost his libido. It's been a difficult thing to deal with for both of us but we have worked through it together and it has actually strengthened our relationship. I do of course sometimes get upset when it has been months with no interest, which I believe to be quite a normal reaction, and he in turn gets upset about it too. He often says that he feels that he is broken.
Today, he left his laptop at home and asked me to log in to look for something for him. He has his google photo drive on there, and when I logged in it was open. I noticed a screenshot that had been saved of a conversation between him and his ex from 2012 and initially didn't think much of it, until I realised the screenshot had been saved in 2017.
I messaged him about it calmly and asked why it was there. He called me and said he had no idea how it was there and it must be from some time ago. I challenged him as I could see from the screenshots that it was a recent phone of his that it had been screenshotted on. We didn't get anywhere so I left it.
My suspicions were raised, so I did something that I have never done before and went through every folder on his laptop, every message, anything I could think of and initially didn't find anything suspicious so I felt better about it. I then thought of one last email account to check and found something extremely upsetting.
Over the course of the last few months he has been emailing himself from his old email account, forwarding himself all the nudes of his ex that were sent during their relationship. Almost more hurtful, he has been screenshotting Facebook memories of their conversations as they have popped up and has emailed them to himself too. These conversations were from 2012 and there is nothing from when we have been together.
I was honest with him straight away and told him that I had looked through everything and sent him screenshots of what I had found. He didn't message me back for about half an hour, but then called me again and initially tried to lie and say he didn't know how they had got there. I hit him with the facts and told him I knew he was lying and that he needed to come clean immediately or we were over. I told him that it would be difficult for me to believe him as he had already lied, but that I would hear him out if he was honest.
He broke down and confessed that yes, he had been sending himself the images and screenshots. He said he knew it was inexcusable and that he didn't expect me to understand, but he was trying to do anything possible to reignite his libido and it was strongest when he was younger and with her. I questioned him about the Facebook memories of conversations between them (which were not sexual) and he said they reminded him of a time when he felt normal.
He has said he will do anything to make this better and will delete her from every aspect of his life. He also assures me that he has not spoken to her at all and has never and would never be unfaithful. It sounds juvenile, but he swore this on his mother, who died some years ago and is very special to him, so I believe him that he has not taken that unforgivable step,
I am however, very hurt, feel betrayed and feel that there must be something wrong with me if he needs to look at photos and memories of someone else to try and fix his libido problem. I also know that I will find it hard to build up the trust again. What felt like a perfect relationship now feels tainted, but I still love him and believe him that he loves me. I also have my child to think of, who is incredibly close to him.
I don't know how to move forward from here. I don't want to lose him, but how can I build up my trust in him again? Should I? Help?
TL;DR my partner has betrayed me by sending himself old nudes of his ex and I don't know how to move forward from here.
Submitted November 17, 2018 at 08:05AM by helpmeimlost24 https://ift.tt/2DK4kzR
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