I (37F) feel bad not inviting my sister (39F) to Thanksgiving because I don't want to be around her husband (38M)

Let me give you a little bit of background. My sister and her husband have been married for about twenty years and have two teenagers together. Their relationship has always been rocky, but it’s gotten much worse over the years. My brother-in-law has been abusive to my sister on more than one occasion (that I know about) and she has left several times but always goes back. They own a business and she is basically doing the office work and he does the labor, but he controls all the money. She doesn’t even have access to the business account where most of most of their money is kept. Bad fights would happen, and he would take her keys, phone, and wallet to prevent her from leaving. It's gotten to the point where I actually fear for her life.

About a year and a half ago, she decided enough was enough and started preparing to leave him. At first, she told him that she was going to get a job. Thankfully she has a bachelor’s degree and she asked for my help to write a resume. While at my house, he blew up her phone with all kinds of insults. He told her no one would ever hire her because she was stupid and a slut, etc. This apparently was a common occurrence. A few months later, another bad fight happened, and she escaped to my parent’s house. She had no money and didn’t have access to most of her belongings.

A month into her staying with my parents, her husband offered to give her some cash and pick up his daughter for a visit. At this point, my sister was applying for a teaching position and was going through background checks. He came to my parent’s house and when she asked for the money, he told her hell no and called her a whore, she got angry and kicked his truck as he was driving away. He got back to his house and decided to call the police about her kicking his truck. When the cops got there, he decided to claim that my sister hit his arm. The police then went to my parent’s house and spoke with my sister and she told them they got into a fight and her husband left. She didn’t tell them she kicked the truck at first which the cops used as a reason to not trust her. They arrested her and booked her into jail. I was shocked and dumbfounded, my brother in law would have messed her up if she tried to hit him. This did not make sense. My parents were so upset, my mom watched her get arrested and there was nothing she could do. My sister has never been in any trouble her whole life.

All along my sister said she was done with him and this time I believed her. My brother in law stood defiant and would not drop charges. My sister leaned on me and my parents for support. I helped her get a good attorney and the case eventually went to trial. My brother in law testified that he was afraid of her but in actuality, he was afraid she wouldn’t come back if she made a life for herself. He knew a battery conviction would cause her to lose her chance at teaching. He wanted to ruin her life and didn’t care about what this would do to her or the children. I have never seen him show an ounce of empathy towards anyone. The jury found her not-guilty and she swore she was never going back, except she did go back, the next day.

I haven’t spoken to her much since she moved back in with him. I am honestly still a little shocked at how it all turned out. I sent her a text when I found out she moved back and told her I was worried and would always be there for her no matter what. We have spent every thanksgiving together, but I just can’t deal with her husband anymore. He has not apologized for what he did, and I know he doesn’t give a shit. I do not ever want to see him again and certainly don't want him in my house. My parents were insanely stressed out when all this happened, and she has brought my mother to tears. None of us want anything to do with her husband but are we being fair to her? I feel bad excluding her from get togethers, but I’m so hurt by what he did. She might be able to forgive and move on, but I can’t.

TL;DR: Am I being fair not inviting my sister to Thanksgiving because I despise her abusive husband?

Submitted November 18, 2018 at 01:58PM by Dream_Anger https://ift.tt/2OQ1TNd