Hi Reddit. Me and husband have been married 6 years and have a daughter. He’s always been very lax with boundaries — as in, really laid back, will go along with anything anyone suggests, and (sometimes) flirty. None of this bothers me, I knew this was what he was like when I married him and I would never suggest he change his personality for me.
However a few months ago a girl started at his work and has been, for lack of a better word, an issue for me. Since starting at this job she’s been texting my husband several days a week, often well past evening and usually about things unrelated to work. In and of itself this doesn’t sound that awful, right?
Well, my husband has become incredibly cagey with his phone since then. He will be lying next to me with his brightness turned down texting who I would assume is coworker. Lately he’s been avoiding the part where he actually tells me it’s her he’s talking to. In light of his unwillingness to share that info I decided to go through his phone a few days ago and found a ridiculous amount of messages to and from her, and they really rubbed me up the wrong way. It was mostly her initiating the complimenting, usually telling him how ridiculously hot she finds him as well as several questions about me and his daughter. I could be wrong but it really came off as her trying to scope out the current state of our marriage. Some texts verbatim said stuff like “are you happy with (wife’s name?)”, and “what was the appeal of getting married for u considering the kind of lifestyle you could’ve lived instead?” Just stuff that for whatever reason pissed me off. I just hated how she was alternating between this subtle kind of flirting and then being rather sexually aggressive.
There was also one text that said something along the lines of, “I could never work alone with u hahaha, I don’t trust either of us”, and he most decidedly did NOT shut it down, replying something about how it was a good thing they weren’t left alone together for long amounts of time. What the fuck? I don’t feel that I’m being irrational here.
I also realise that this post seems like an attack on her specifically, but I definitely know that the bulk of the blame is on him. He’s married and shouldn’t be entertaining her when it is clear she likes him. It does piss me off that she doesn’t seem to care that I exist and will involve our daughter in their conversations, although I have to admit my husband loves our daughter and almost never tells anyone anything about her, and he did say as much.
I have mentioned several times that their level of contact pisses me off and that he cannot spin this as being a result of my jealousy considering I have zero problem with anyone else he interacts with. He tells me it’s just them fucking around (figuratively) and doesn’t mean anything. I asked him if this was some kind of ego thing, which is ridiculous, because he gets more than enough attention from women and always has. I’m an incredibly attentive wife and I tell him how attractive and loved he is constantly! It’s so embarrassing having mutual friends of ours who are also his coworkers telling me how touchy and flirty they are in the office. He doesn’t seem to be meeting me in the middle here. All he does is deflect or laugh it off. I don’t know how else to explain “I love you, our daughter loves you, and this is not someone you should be willing to negatively affect our family over.”
I really don’t want to blow this up or upset him, so I don’t want to escalate this, but I just want him to realise this isn’t cool and hurts me. It hurts me and it feels like he’s having an emotional affair. I don’t know if it’s worth attempting another serious conversation and absolutely 110% explaining how I feel in the most detailed way, or if I should just blow up at him and tell him to get his shit together before something happens between them. How do I navigate this?
Tl;dr: husband’s coworker flirts incessantly and he not only doesn’t shut it down, but reciprocates. I do not want the father of my daughter having an affair.
Submitted November 01, 2018 at 06:43AM by isthiskindasus https://ift.tt/2PyXimW
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