Throwaway because my BF knows my real reddit account.
My BF (26M) and I (23F) have been together for 5 years. It's been my longest relationship, my first "real" relationship, and all of my firsts have been with him. I'm unsure of whether or not my issue with him is "normal" because I've really only ever been with him.
He's really sweet to me, and even after 5 years we have a great sex life and we are still very affectionate. However, sometimes I find myself walking on eggshells around him because certain things I do will piss him off. A few examples:
- I was buying him electronics once and he was upset that my credit card limit wasn't high enough (5k limit, I have stellar credit and I pay it off each month so I've never found it to be a problem), he said it made things difficult
- I said I didn't agree with a store policy once and he did. I thought it was just a run-of-the-mill "agree to disagree" kind of discussion. He got upset because apparently I never agree with him and I always have to "lawyer things up" (I'm in law school).
- Recently, I got winter tires on my vehicle. He saw them and didn't speak to me for the night (I was taking him to a movie and dinner, so the night was super awkward after) because the tires I bought were an obscure brand. He said I was being cheap, but I didn't think so. I live in a metropolitan city and we don't even really get too much snow. When we do, the roads are cleared promptly and salted. Plus, the tires I got were still winter tires, it's not like they are unsafe or anything. He accuses me of being cheap a lot though, so maybe this was just the cherry on top for him. We haven't spoken in a week because I stood up for myself and said it didn't make sense for him to get mad at me for that, it was my money and my car and I wasn't being unsafe. He said I was playing the victim.
I understand he may be irritable right now because he's unemployed (job searching). I get that that can be very frustrating and soul-sucking. However, it makes me feel really pathetic and small when I'm taking him to dinner/movies/dates and he is barely making an effort to speak to me because he's upset about some small detail. I feel like I have no choice but to apologize. But, on the other hand, apologizing for something like not getting brand-name tires to put on my own car seems a bit silly to me. He tends to also tell me I'm playing the victim if I try to say that he didn't have to react that way. If I continue to defend myself, he tells me that I'm "lawyering" him, I'm overly-ambitions and selfish, and I always have to get the last word - even if I really am just explaining my side. I've started getting insecure about my school, which is a very prestigious and competitive program that I used to be really proud of. I don't talk to him about it much anymore. I realized this was a problem because I should be proud of myself and be able to talk to my BF about my accomplishments without him turning them into weaknesses, shouldn't I?
A fresh perspective would help. I'm hesitant to jump onto the "dump him!!" train because I know he's going through a tough time right now (parents divorced this year and he has going through a bout of unemployment), but I don't want to be a doormat either.
TLDR; My long-term BF gets really irritated/gives me the silent treatment for things that are small issues, that have nothing to do with him.
Submitted November 26, 2018 at 10:17AM by OppositeDeer6 https://ift.tt/2TSyLsu
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