First of all, I apologize in advance for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
Second of all, I apologize for the wall of text, TLDR is at the bottom. There are some details I might have left out, and will update if necessary.
For a bit of a background, we have been together 6 years and married for 2. We met during school and married a few years after finishing our degrees. My husband works a very fulfilling job and is very happy at his work place and so am I for the most part. Our home life has had some up and downs over the years as we had some differences about where to live, if we should stay in our current country or move abroad. We decided to stay as he loves his job and we already have a home here that we are currently renovating.
At his job, he has a small group of coworkers that he gets along with really great. They eat lunch everyday and once a week go out for beers. In this group of coworkers there is one women that he has become more and more close to over the time. I never had any problems with it until we all went out for beers a year ago. I saw that they are very friendly with each other and I had a talk with my husband that their relationship was making me somewhat uncomfortable and I asked him to keep some distance, but never asked to kill the friendship. He agreed and told me he understands my point and he will tone it down.
Some time had past and in August this year he was sent on a business trip in Asia. All his coworkers were excited and wrote him lists of goodies to bring back, her included. I dd not mind this and was happy for him as this was a big event for his career. The night before he had his flight, while helping him with his bag, I went on his phone to download the phone number for the embassy in case there was an emergency. As I was searching, he received a message from her wishing him a great trip filled with emoticons. I told him that it's strange to send messages at 12 at night to coworkers. He said that they are friends and that he does not see it as strange.
A fight broke down as he confessed that he did not tone down their relationship and it's as strong as ever. He promised this will end, and he will no longer talk to her as often.
In September, after he came back, we went on holidays. In the car, while looking for directions on his phone, he received another text message from her that seemed to be part of a conversation. I asked him to pull over and this time I read the texts. They were having very playful conversations with tons of emoticons, gifs etc. during work hours, evenings or weekends. The one that bothered me the most was him offering to pick her up one morning as it was raining and another one was him calling her a kitty one time. He explained this as being friendly and in no way they were more than friends. They even texted while he was waiting to board the airplane before the business trip - only hours after he promised it will stop.
After a huge fight, we agreed to continue our vacation, but we will seek couple therapy after coming back home. He promised he will stop all contact with her, except what was needed for work. He told me he loves me, and even though there was nothing between them, he values me more that anything else. He will do this for me and all will stop.
Yesterday, after 2 months since the last fight, we were browsing reddit on his work computer and another message showed on his screen from her. This was on a tool they use for company communication. I took the laptop and read the messages. Absolutely nothing changed... We had another big fight and he confessed that they talked about their relationship after we returned from our holiday and they do not want to be more than friends, they are both in happy relationships. He justified continuing their friendship with the fact that they are only friends.
Today he left for another business trip and I am left hurt and confused. He lied to me multiple times about her, why should I believe they really did have the conversation and they really are just friends?
Is the marriage over? I do not have any trust left in him. I know I should not control his friendships, he should be able to have any friends he seems fit, but I the level of intimacy he has with his coworker is very worrying to me.
I am not perfect, but I was never jealous, I don't know if I am overreacting or if I am justified.
TLDR: My [28 F] husband [29 M] of 2 years has kept in contact with overly friendly coworker [33 F] after promising multiple times he will stop it. Was caught 2 times lying and continuing their friendship.
Submitted October 28, 2018 at 07:19AM by Henl1 https://ift.tt/2z8xO5D
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