We met about a year ago, and have been in a relationship for about 8 months. We met though a shared passion: rock climbing. Everything has been really great so far. He is kind and considerate, and we love spending time together. We have been on a few overnight trips climbing so far, and generally spend most of out time together climbing. We also do other things together; we both like to go out to eat, go for walks, and play board games with friends. It has been really amazing to find someone who understands my passion for climbing, and wants to do it as much as I do. We have had some downright amazing trips together.
One thing that's starting to bother me though is how frustrated he gets at me when we climb together. He is a stronger climber than me. Both because he has been climbing longer than I have, and because he is much stronger physically. Sometimes it feels like he expects me to magically get as skilled and strong as him when we are out climbing together. He tends to get frustrated when I can't pull a move that he got, and will yell up technique at me as I am trying to climb. This generally makes me feel pretty bad, like he thinks I'm dense or not trying hard. He will say something obvious in an annoyed tone, like "just hold the rock this way and push up with your feet!". He will be yelling/shouting at me when he says this stuff, because we I am up pretty high on the cliff and he is at the base. I know part of the yelling is because I am far away, but I hate being yelled at, and he does use a very frustrated/annoyed tone as well.
An example was the other night when we went climbing in a local spot after work. We knew that we did have a lot of time, so we both brough headlamps in case it got dark before we hiked back to the car. We decided to try an 11d (a climbing grade that is fairly difficult, but not advanced)with about an hour left before the sunset. He climbed it first, and fell twice, at the two hardest part of the climb, but got he succeeded on each part on the second try. I then gave it a try (on lead, we both lead every sport and trad climb). I got the first hard part (crux) fairly easily, but was struggling a lot on the second crux. I took several falls trying to get this move before he started to yell up technique at me. I was fairly high on the route (and he was on the ground belaying), so he was SHOUTING. I kept trying, but couldn't get the move. he then started yelling things like "Come on, you've got to try hard" and "Come on u/Meggaroon, let's go!" in an impatient tone. It made me feel even worse and it was hard to control my emotions. I eventually pulled the move (while tearing up) and finished the climb so we could collect our gear from the climb and hike out as it was getting dark. When I got down he said that its frustrating for him to watch me hesitate and try the same thing over and over agin. I get that the sun was setting and we had to get out of there, but I was truly trying my best. It pretty much ruined the day of climbing for me.
I feel like he is lacking some amount of empathy and patience. He knows I don't climb as strong as him, yet we try the same climbs. It seems like he should know that I am going to struggle more than he is, and might not always be able to climb the same moves he can. I don't know how to make him understand that I am trying my best, and that yelling at me while I am climbing is just ruining the experience for me. I undertasnd that it can be frustrating for him (I have felt the same way when climbing with partners that are not as good as me, but I never vocalize it), but I always try my best and I don't think there is anything else I can do. Climbing can be very scary too, especially when we are traditional climbing (placing removable gear that will catch you if you fall), and I just wish he was more understanding.
tl;dr My boyfriend gets really annoyed when I can't climb as hard as he can, and will yell up at me when I am climbing. This makes me feel like he thinks I am stupid, or no trying as hard as I can. I hate being yelled at.
Submitted July 31, 2018 at 11:55AM by Meggaroon https://ift.tt/2M91WTC
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