As the title reads.. my friend asked me to be friends with benefits (fwb). Weve been friends for a long time (5 years) but never super close, he was dating this one girl recently and they broke up and he was super shattered by it. He reached out to me for support and I was there for him.
He even set the boundary with me as we were talking more that he didnt want to have any kind of sexual or romantic relationship and that he just valued my friendship which was really awesome because that’s exactly what I feel too.
Later on he started telling me about how he wishes he had a best friend he could take on dates cuddle with and have sex with but have no romantic feelings. He didnt want to start over from scratch with someone even for hooking up and wanted those elements of being close. I told him that it does not sound healthy at all and he should focus on healing and then finding the right person for him. He never told me or asked me about this fwb deal directly but was hinting at “who” he wanted to ask and it was all leading to me.
After a while I started to feel like he was only talking to me to vent about his ex and give me updates on what he was hearing about her, and I will be honest it was getting tiring after 5 months of constant paragraphs and phone calls crying about her. I finally set the boundary that he needs to seek therapy, that i am here for him but that I can’t hold so much emotional space for him as i was going through my own stuff.
He was coming to town (he moved a year ago or so) to visit his exes family (???) and he wanted to get coffee and hangout. I said sure it sounded harmless. We meet up he starts up about his ex again and then says “by the way remember that fwb deal? That was about you. So would you be interested?” And I said no, that it didn’t interest me or seem healthy. He took it respectfully but got really distant with me. I talked about it with a friend who told me he basically is just using me as a therapist and emotional placeholder as a gf. I dont really know how to feel about this situation..
Tldr; friend going through breakup has been constantly talking through his feelings with me for months, and them asked me to be friends with benefits after we both clearly decided we just wanted a friendship. I feel insulted by the offer.
Submitted January 01, 2023 at 07:48PM by chunkiewunky https://ift.tt/kiTE8bR
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