I [23M] moved to a new state with my (now-ex) girlfriend [22F] three months ago. She graduated college last spring and me the year prior. Our relationship was extremely strong back home: pretty much no fighting, we have met and enjoy each other families, and we were excited to move in together after her graduation. We were almost at our 3 year anniversary.
She got a job in a new state, and I work remote so I figured why not? I've been wanting to move out of my home city for a while now, and this seems like the perfect opportunity. We sign a lease together, move in, everything is great.
She works in-person and has a college friend here, so finding friends for her has been really easy. Me, not so much. I've went to meet up events, downloaded BumbleBFF, and met some of her friends. I realized now that making friends as a working adult outside of a structured setting (like college) is really difficult. I grow frustrated and lonely, and a little jealous that she's out having fun with her friends.
I think the downfall of our relationship really began with my built up frustration and loneliness, which she feels partly responsible for. She thinks that I moved here entirely for her and has said she feels bad when she's out having fun without me. I think she thinks that I was beginning to grow too dependent on her for my happiness without my own social group. I'll admit, my attitude was very poor and I could see how it was a massive turn-off.
Mid December, she suggests that we go on a break. She suggests that I go back home. I proposed an alternative: since we were going home for Christmas and New Years anyways, why don't we just keep our distance then. We'll still hangout occasionally, but not every day and no texting at a high frequency. That break was two weeks, and I thought it went well.
We landed back to our apartment a couple days ago and I realize that she didn't feel the same way. She says she "isn't excited to see me like before," doesn't "like me" as much anymore, and wants to stay out with her coworkers and friends instead of coming home. Well, I could see the writing on the wall at this point. I asked if there was another guy involved. She said no.
Last night, she officially broke up with me. I wanted to continue living here because outside of this whole situation, I actually have started to enjoy my life more. We decide that we should continue living together but just as friends and roommates.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty positive actually. She's still my best friend, and I thought maybe giving her some space (as much as I can give while still being her roommate) for a month could turn her around. She said today she would be hanging out with a couple of her girlfriends. I come back from a haircut, and I have a sudden urge to check her Apple watch which she left behind. Let me be clear: I realize I should not have done this.
My worst fear and suspicion are confirmed: she has been talking to a coworker before our breakup and appears to have kissed, cuddled, and held hands with him. They're having Facetime conversations and sending each other texts as if they've been dating for years. She has lied to me about if there was another guy. In fact, she is not out with her girlfriends tonight at all. The coworker got a hotel room and they have spent the entire day and night together.
I am most shocked at the speed which she moved on and how she lied to my face. I thought she respected me and our relationship more than that. She's known this guy for only 3 months, and she's ready to just move on that quickly? Idk, good for her I guess? I'm not mad at the guy and I don't think he's the ultimate reason why she cheated and broke up with me. I think he was there at the right place and right time to comfort and listen to her while she was stressed out about my situation. Still, she has been lying to me about the presence of another man.
My next steps: tell her I want to break the lease but frame it as a "I don't want to live with you if I can't be with you" (which is true). I need her cooperation to break the lease. I know she cannot afford the apartment on her salary, so we will have to work together to separate financially. She'll have to find a roommate to take my place or move out altogether.
However, I want to confront her before I leave. She doesn't know that I know she cheated. I need to hear the truth from her. I feel like I deserve it before we go our separate ways. I'm scared that she'll act irrationally if I confront her before formally breaking the lease. I want everything set and ready to go before speaking with her about the other guy.
What do you think is the best plan forward? How should I proceed in detangling our financial / life admin status? Feel free to ask clarifying questions if needed, I realize my organization and structure may not be the best.
tl;dr: discovered my ex-gf who I still live with cheated on me, taking steps to break lease and go home
Submitted January 07, 2023 at 11:19PM by excellentnoob https://ift.tt/YmNlCQS
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