My wife and I have been together 7 years, married for almost 5. We are great friends as well as being married, we knew eachother as friends for almost 10 years before we even started going out.
Now in the entirety of our relationship I do not think my wife has ever initiated sex with me. I would try to initiate sex on a number of occasions; sometimes she was in the mood and we would have sex, other times she wasn't so we would do something else, usually together, like playing games, watching movies, going for walks, typical couple stuff. If I were to take a guess we used to have sex every month or two early on in our relationship and dwindling to a couple times a year in more recent times. Now part of this is to be expected as we are in our early 40s and neither of our libidos are what they were even a decade ago.
Like a lot of people we have been evaluating ourselves and our relationship over the last couple of years, especially during lockdowns when we would not see anyone but each other for months. Over the course of this self exploration my wife learned about asexuality and it really struck a cord for her. She says she has never really wanted sex in her entire life, and that any of the times we had sex in the past she did it because she wanted to make me happy. Since coming to this realization she does not want to have sex anymore. Like the kids say consent is not just "yes" it is "Yes!" an enthusiastic yes as they say and she just does not feel that enthusiasm for sex, never has, probably never will.
This makes me feel bad about all the times that she has had sex with me despite not really wanting to, but also it makes me feel pretty shitty about the idea that as it stands I will never have sex again. I still have a pretty healthy libido for my age, I think about sex fairly often and if the opportunity were there would still have it with regularity approaching what we did early in our relationship.
So now I am wondering if we would be better off to go back to just being friends. I'm still at an age where I could find a new partner, not necessarily easily but I wouldn't say it is impossible. I mentioned this dilemma to my best friend and she said it was a real jerk move to even be thinking of divorcing my wife over the lack of sex, she says at our age I should be glad to be married and that I'm unlikely to find a new partner. Is she right, am I making too big a deal about a simple biological urge, and should just be happy with what we still have? If so what do I do about my desire for sex? I am worried that as it goes longer the temptation to have sex with someone else, should the opportunity arise, would be strong and that potentially risks not just our marriage but our very friendship.
TL;DR: How should I best deal with the prospect of my marriage turning sexless now that my wife realizes she is asexual and does not want to ever have sex again?
Submitted July 03, 2022 at 01:21AM by girraphaeldaurbino https://ift.tt/eAfvIs1
No comments:
Post a Comment