My girlfriend(29F) has recently told me(28M) that she doesn't want to tell me anything anymore because I will judge her.

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. Our relationship hit a very low point about 8 months ago. Since then I think it has improved in many aspects but I still feel like communication is the biggest issue. Recently we had a fight and didn't speak to each other for a couple days. I'll include what happened since I think it is relevant. I was having a rough couple of weeks, working extra hours at my job and preparing for finals. I let her know ahead of time what to expect and that it would be difficult for us to spend time together. We weren't talking too much and I will admit it was more so on my end. I was taking longer to respond to her texts than usual and not giving much to the conversation. And on the week of my finals, she invited me to go with her to her cousin's graduation party. I told her that I won't be able to because I'll be busy and that I would study and take my final on the weekend. She knows that I have a lot of time off available at my job but I told her that I didn't want to use it.

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So on the day of the party she texts me that she's there, shows me pictures and says that she wishes I was there with her. I had something unfortunate happen with my reply as I apparently didn't get her text right away, because I had texted her that I was getting groceries right after she said that she wanted me there with her. So I think to her it seemed like I was ignoring that. She sends me an eye roll emoji and says that she feels about our relationship. In the heat of moment, I respond that I know everything makes her feel bad about the relationship. Not the best thing I could've said, and I quickly apologized. I explained that I wasn't ignoring her text and wanted to ask why she thought that way about our relationship. She eventually responds later and said things that I don't treat her well and that we don't make a good couple. We had also recently taken a trip out of the state and she mentioned that on multiple occasions I made her feel bad and she didn't like how I reacted in situations.

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Let's briefly go further back in the past. On the day of our flight back home, we chose to leave some of our luggage in a store because we couldn't bring it to this sporting event we were planning to go to and we already checked out of the hotel. So as we were looking at our maps for the store, I was telling her where it was and she was insisting it was somewhere else. We literally past the store and I said it's right here but she keeps walking. I guess something was happening with her app because she backtracks and comes back to the store and I asked her where she was going. Later during our fight she tells me that I was judging her when I was just wanting to get to our flight on time. On the plane, she spills hot coffee on me but I don't lash out or anything. She says sorry and suggests that I change my pants in the bathroom. I ask her why would I do that and say there's no space for that. Later she says that she didn't like how I treated her or how I responded. Not sure how I'm supposed to be all happy with hot coffee spilled on me.

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Fast forward to after the fight, I realized that I could've been better about communicating and texting her throughout the day and just putting more effort in general. I used my busy weeks as an excuse to not give her the attention she deserved. I decided to write a long note that was part apology/part commitment to being better in the future, explaining that I will treat her better. I bought a mostly blank card from the store and filled it with the reasons why I love her and drew a cute picture and left those two things with flowers at her door. She accepts them and wants some time to think. I'm expecting it to take a while but it ends up being less than 48 hours before we're back in constant communication again. In hindsight, that was probably way too soon but I understand that her emotions get very extreme. I told her that I was okay with letting her have time to think but she wanted me back in her life.

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The past couple weeks I've put in more effort and she was doing the same. And even though her work schedule is changing, it felt like we were turning the corner and growing closer. Now we're caught up to today, more or less. And funnily enough, the thing to set off is related to hair again. If you read the last post, that was the straw that broke the camel's back for some reason. About a week ago, she told me that wanted to get highlights for her hair and I said that I liked her hair the way it is and it's already pretty but she should do it if it makes her happy. She told me the price was $280. Neither of us make too much money so that threw me off and I was asking her if that price is normal because I have no idea. She said that it's a little high but she still wants to do it. I change the subject because I know it doesn't do me much good to ask too many questions about it. Today she's at the salon but said that she went somewhere else and she doesn't know what the price is. I tell that she should've asked for the price before doing something and she just says okay. Again I try to change the subject about when I should come over tonight. But she goes cold and after she gets home she says that she doesn't want to talk to me. We mostly communicate on Whatsapp because we like it better and it's easy to see when someone blocks you because all you see is an avatar. So I noticed she blocks me on that all of a sudden and I text her through normal messaging that I don't appreciate getting blocked and what is going on. She said that she doesn't want to tell me anything that's happening because I'm going to judge her and that makes her not want to be in the relationship.

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I let her know that not every criticism is me judging her and that I'm sorry if the way I bluntly say things makes her feel insecure. I (maybe unwisely) go on to say that she should have a higher opinion of herself and not just assume that someone is judging her. And that I can't do anything about that because it's internal. She just said to leave her alone and I have obliged.

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The post is already long but I would like to mention that she taken a couple therapy sessions in the past month or so. She is very insecure with herself and also expressed that she never felt the love she wanted to growing up. Her dad was never in her life and her mom loved her but wasn't expressive about it. She said that she didn't remember many times that her mom would say nice things to her. The therapist told her that because she didn't receive the validation and love at home, she grew up feeling as if something was wrong with her and whenever she felt like she was being treated badly, her mind confirmed that belief. I appreciated her also telling me this and letting me in a few weeks ago. So given that this is all fresh in my mind, am I wrong for not being a bit more careful with my words knowing what she's been through? Or is she a little too sensitive? Both? I don't feel like I'm judgmental but if I am, is what I'm questioning about her really that bad? It really seems that the smallest things can trigger her. I'm not attacking her character or saying that everything she does is wrong.

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tl:dr; My girlfriend doesn't like my responses to some of her actions and feels like I'm judgmental. She is an insecure person and sometimes I think there is a burden put on me as well to not suggest anything to her in case she takes it wrong way. She is going through therapy when she has time and she shared some of her issues with me on a broad scale so I know what I'm getting into. How can I approach this relationship from now on?

Submitted May 28, 2022 at 08:23PM by PurpleSunkist https://ift.tt/OcM5VXl