My bf is very attached/clingy. Not that I think that means he's a bad person or anything, but it's just a fact. When we would go to each other's houses in the first month of dating, we'd spend all day there. Like 8-9 hours. But after a few weeks I started to want more time to myself. Like, I love our time together, but I'd rather be doing stuff on my own as opposed to just laying on his bed staring into space. I like quality time and doing activities together. I really don't enjoy just sitting in his room. He sees that as quality time, though. And he LOVES physical affection, so that is prime time to cuddle & have sex.
My sister told me today that she thinks he is manipulating me. Here is the situation: he has been wanting to go to a specific store. I've suggested three or four times that we could meet there. It makes logistical sense -- this place is 15 min from me and 30 min from him. My house is 25 min from him. He wants to drive 25 min to me, then have me drive us 15 min to the store, then drive 15 min home, and then he'd drive 25 min back to his house later on. It would be easier for both of us to meet there. I said that the first few times and he just said that he doesn't mind driving. Whenever he brought up our plans again and coming over to my house before, I'd say "hmm" or "maybe" to which he'd send a sad emoji or, if on the phone, he'd say "okaaaaay...." in a kind of condescending tone (like a baby-ish voice, idk how to explain). So on the phone today I said I could actually go today instead of tomorrow. He said sure, if I want to. I said let's meet there. Then he said, "Oh, well if we go tomorrow, would I come over to your house? I'd rather do tomorrow then." So, he didn't want to see me today because that meant he wouldn't come over before & after. I was annoyed at that point and said, "Why do you want to come over to my house so badly?" and he said "More time to cuddle," again in a baby-ish, pleading tone. He also said, "so we can drive together," which idk why that is a pro at all. I didn't know what to say so I just went, "Oh, haha." I assume cuddles mean sex because whenever we go to each other's houses, we just sit on the bed until he starts initiating. I understand sex is normal in relationships (& his drive is much higher than mine) and I enjoy sex, but doesn't it usually happen sort of naturally? Like couples are doing something together and then you go to the bedroom and do it? With us, there isn't any "come over to watch TV" or "come over to draw, read, walk, etc." and then sex happens along with that. It's always just that I we go in each other's rooms and sex happens. I don't know exactly why, but I'd prefer if we did actual activities, ya know?
My sister said that he insists on coming over to my house (even instead of me going there -- he said he doesn't like the store by him as much, although it has better reviews on google) because he knows that I have a hard time asking him to leave, so he can stay longer. He knows this, since I've told him twice before that it's hard for me to ask him to leave. In the past, he has joked around & not gotten up from my bed, so I physically pulled him up. Other times I pretty much have to remind him every minute that it's time for him to go. Other times he's asked why I got no work done and I've said, "I told you I can't ever ask you to leave, and I can't focus when you're here" and he's just smirked or said "sorrryyy." Last time he was here I told him that it took me over an hour to muster up the courage to ask him to leave. I said that I felt mean. He reassured me that he didn't think I was mean to do that, but clearly he should gather from these situations that I find it hard to ask him to leave. If he knows this, why is he insisting on coming over when I have suggested multiple times to meet at this store, instead?!!! Plus, he has not asked me why I want to meet there. I've asked him why he wants to come over, though. You'd think he'd ask why I am bringing up meeting there so much.
I don't know if he's actually manipulating or if he just really wants to see me. He obviously wants to see me more often and is less independent, and he's said that his past relationships hurt him bc they were way more independent than he is. I was clingy in the first few weeks as well so I told him not to worry and that I liked the attention. But now it has been making me less attracted and is pushing me away, to be honest.
I have has sexual trauma in the past and I either over- or under- analyze risk, so I really need some outside perspective. I can give more detail or examples if needed. So please ask away & thank you for any advice & if you read this far.
TLDR: My bf insists on meeting at my house to "cuddle" instead of meeting places. My sister says he is manipulating me. I don't know what is normal or not normal.
Submitted May 17, 2022 at 12:04PM by roseyelephant33 https://ift.tt/EfTIywh
No comments:
Post a Comment