I’ve been dating my boyfriend (we're both late 20s) for 3 years and we’ve lived together for most of that time. Over the past year he has had increasing trouble finishing when masturbating (sometimes he can masturbate for over an hour and still not finish - he has seen a doctor but it was inconclusive). Over the past year he has also frequently asked me for “help” while he masturbates, AKA letting him feel up my vagina and body and kiss me while he jerks off. He says that this helps speed up the process but a few times it has still taken him over an hour of feeling me up while jerking off to come. He also says the reason he asks me for help is because he gets pain from blue balls if he doesn’t come. This makes me feel bad for him so that’s why I agree to help, but it kind of feels like he’s guilting me into it.
The issue I have with this is that he usually makes these requests when I’m trying to get work done or doing work around the house, which is when I’m not in the mood for anything sexual, so being felt up for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour is one-sided and only pleasurable for him (and takes away time from my work). He always says “it will only take 5-10 or 15 minutes” but he has no sense of time when horny and it sometimes takes over 30 minutes or 1 hour. (I have never asked for help from him when masturbating, as an aside). It also makes me feel objectified as I’m basically just a body he is using to get off, and he doesn’t do things that would feel pleasurable to me when doing this, but just whatever he likes to help orgasm, so it feels a bit like being pawed at and isn’t enjoyable for me. It often feels physically uncomfortable and I feel awkward since it happens when I’m not in the mood and I have to watch him try to jerk off for a while. I have expressed this and he apologizes but he continues to ask me to do this, and lately it has been as frequent as every other day or every couple of days. This has made me feel increasingly annoyed and resentful over time when he asks me to help him jerk off. I personally don’t think it’s my responsibility that he has issues jerking himself off, and don’t think it’s my “job” to help with this every time. He has basically turned masturbation from a solo activity to an activity for two people (that only he enjoys). I tried to set a boundary and refuse to help anymore SEVERAL times, and he says “OK”, but then keeps asking.
Yesterday I was particularly annoyed because he asked me to help him masturbate several hours after we had sex (neither of us finished) and seemed frustrated that I didn’t look thrilled about it. He again brought up that “blue balls are painful for him” after I said that his frequent masturbation requests made me feel like an unpaid prostitute, and objectified. This felt manipulative to me. Again I felt guilted into participating. I don’t think it’s reasonable for him to expect me to sit there with a smile on my face while he paws at me when I’ve expressed that I don’t want to do it. I’ve tried to set a boundary but he continues making these requests, and guilting me into doing it if I say no by bringing up “blue balls”. At the same time, I do feel bad if he has pain from blue balls, that I can “help” make go away faster?
TL;DR I asked my boyfriend to stop asking me to help him masturbate when I’m trying to get work done because it makes me feel physically uncomfortable and objectified when I’m not in the mood. He takes a long time to orgasm from jerking off sometimes and says that feeling up my vagina and body etc. can help speed it up. When I try to say no he says that “having blue balls is painful” which guilts me into helping him, but I don’t think his issues jerking off is my responsibility. What am I supposed to do here?
Submitted September 07, 2021 at 02:53AM by throwaway09072021 https://ift.tt/3kYjTqN
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