I (38M) think my wife (35F) of 13 years might be mentally ill. She says I'm gaslighting.

Hi internet. I have a puzzle for you. My wife and I have been married for a long time, and her health has always been less-than-ideal.

About 3 years ago, she quit her job and never went back to work. She admits that she is addicted to the consumption of media, but she says that it's her "coping mechanism" for her various health problems. In recent years, her list of self-diagnosis has been growing larger and larger. There have been several that we've talked to doctors about and had tested for, and the tests all come up negative. I've been begging her to go choose a career path, and I've offered any and every form of support for her. For the record, her counselor had her keep a journal of how she spends her time, and she spends an average of 12 to 16 hours a day consuming various forms of online media.

Recently, I delivered an ultimatum. Either she starts spending less time online, and investing that time in a career to help contribute to the marriage, or I'm going to end the marriage.

When she shared this news with her counselor, the counselor said that I was using the ultimatum to manipulate her. Further, her opinion is that when I argue that the doctors can't find any evidence of these "conditions" that I'm gaslighting her into doubting her perceptions of her body. If I try to tell my wife to find a new counselor, then I'm suddenly trying to isolate her.

I don't know how to get to good place from where we are. I realize that what I'm saying really does look and sound like some awful gaslighting and deeply manipulative behavior, but I really do think that my wife has some kind of mental illness that needs addressed or our marriage is going to implode.

My heart is breaking, and I'm so confused. I'm actually starting to consider that I might be the one seeing things that aren't there, and that maybe I really am using gaslighting tactics.

TL:DR; If you really, truly believe a person is seeing things that aren't really there, and you tell them that their hallucinations aren't real, what can you do when they say, "You're just trying to convince me that I'm crazy! That's so manipulative!"?

Submitted September 05, 2021 at 08:30AM by throway_crazy https://ift.tt/3tf20HU