My husband [31M] has a good career opportunity that would require us to move to a different part of the US. I [28F] don't want to hold him back from it, but I REALLY do not want to move there.

Hello, everybody.

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My husband and I have been together for five years and married for three. He is a perfect husband and I would not trade him for anyone. Disagreements are quite rare for us and we have never actually "fought" over anything. In case it matters, he is American, I am European, and we live in the United States.

My husband is an academic. We currently live in a big city on the US West coast. He has a good job here, but it is not "permanent", in the sense that he has to basically reapply to stay here every year. He does seem to be well-liked by his institution and is fairly confident he will be continuously "re-hired" for the foreseeable future. But obviously it is not the same as being guaranteed a secure career.

An opportunity has arisen for a real, permanent position that he is considering. The pay is fair and it would end any concerns about future employment. The only problem is it would require relocating to Kansas.

I'm not trying to knock Kansas or insult anyone from there. My husband is from there (the job he is currently considering is actually at the same institution where he did his undergrad). With that being said, we're both urban people. Before we got married I told him that I strongly prefer cities and am not interested in living in a small town or rural environment, and he told me he was the same way and agreed we would always try living in cities.

I have travelled to Kansas a couple times with him. The people there are very nice, and it is nice to visit. It is just, very empty. I currently don't have a car of my own just because I have no need for one where we live now and I am happy that way. I don't really like the idea of having to drive an hour to get to a decent-sized urban area.

My husband and I sat down and talked about it, and he said he is torn on the notion. He is not especially excited to move back to Kansas, but the opportunity is very good for his career. He basically said he wants the job, but can't decide if relocating is worth it. And he also said it would be a good opportunity, but he would not force the move on me and promised to decline if I told him I that I really don't want to move there. To be honest, it kind of feels like he can't make up his own mind and is using me as his "tie-breaker."

So that is where we are. Full honesty, I really don't want to move there. But I also don't want to hold back my husband from a good opportunity. I'm feeling really stuck on what to do, especially because it has been basically left up to me to make the decision.

How do I even make this decision? And am I right in thinking it is a little unfair for him to basically leave it to me?

Thank you to anyone who can offer advice.

TL;DR: Husband has a very good career opportunity, but would require relocating somewhere we don't really want to go. Husband has basically left it to me to make the decision. Don't know what to do.

Submitted May 05, 2021 at 03:52PM by Dull_Buy1805 https://ift.tt/3fcbRrB