We've been together for about a year now.
This seems to happen with any game we play. For example, we play a mobile game called Hearthstone, specifically the battleground mode where there are 8 opponents and it cycles through them making you fight each opponent until there's 1 left. When we play together he normally does better than me and even kills me sometimes. Which is fine since his teams are way better.
A couple days ago we were playing and I made a really good deck/team, when it came time for us to play against eachother, I won but didn't kill him. This made him extremely angry. He yelled at me saying I should have done something to make my team less strong. He started swearing saying his rating will suffer. And then he hangs up the phone (we don't live together) and gives me the silent treatment until he's calm again. I have started literally deleting parts of my team to ensure he wins now.
He also does a similar thing when we play world of warcraft together. I bought the newest expansion and waited to open it for months until he got his PC cause he wanted to play with me. We decide to level together, but once I accidently started a quest without him thinking he was also doing it. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him. He again yelled, sweared at me and told me I was a terrible person for going ahead of him. I told him it was a mistake. But he hangs up on discord and ignores me instead. I cried so much that day because I couldn't understand why hed treat me like that over something so insignificant.
However, when he's calm he wants everything to go back to normal. He has no issue going ahead of me in games and will do stuff without me given the opportunity but I never complain cause its a just a game, but when I do it, he threatens to leave me.
Now the worst was yesterday. A few days ago we hung out with his friend, Matt and Matt's wife. Matt also plays the game so he added us both. We play together and Matt joins us while we all talk on discord. Matt is way ahead of us and his character is a lot stronger, which means he can run us through difficult quests/dungeons. He offers his help and runs us through some.
While we're all talking my boyfriend goes ahead of me, doing quests and dungeons without me. My characters progress lags behind a little. He ends up having to leave because he was going out with his friends. I asked him if I could continue playing and catch up to him and he said yes, as long as I'm not too ahead of him. I also ask him if its okay that Matt and I talk and if Matt could help me through some things. He says okay.
Now while my boyfriend was gone, Matt's telling me all about how to progress to the next stuff in the game and helps me catch up. I tell him I dont want to get too ahead but he told me he'd also help my boyfriend do the same part tomorrow and that I won't be ahead. I also know my boyfriend hates it when I die in game and Matt was way more patient so I thought I was saving him the trouble.
Today my boyfriend asks me where im at and I tell him. He starts getting angry, he called me a jerk and told me he wants to leave me. I explained its not a big thing and that Matt would help him through it. But then he replies with stuff like "I dont need his help" when earlier he said he did. I offered to log on and help him, but he said im of no use and that I die too easily. He messaged me things like "im so fucking mad at you" and "stop trying to explain this to spin your narrative, now im mad at Matt because of you". He played without me today and took breaks to message me about how im problematic and selfish. And that he never wants to play anything with me again. He's said this so many times before and I've told him if that'll keep us from fighting im okay with that - but when he's calm he pressures me into playing with him anyway.
I have spent the entire second half of the day trying to calm the situation but it seemed to get worse and worse. He told me I need to fix this and that's the only way he'll continue this relationship. But when I ask him how since I can't undo it, he says its not for him to figure out. After I stop replying to him he says things like "oh its not all your fault" and "im sorry im part of the blame too" but then switches back to angry so quickly.
When someone you love is angry at you, you can tell they're just angry. But when he's angry at me, everything he does and says, including his expressions, becomes hateful. Like he despises me. Its the weirdest thing and is also very scary. I generally either cry or shut down. And then after a few hours he might start acting like my boyfriend again.
I just dont understand. This happens so often its emotionally draining and I've had conversations about it - they just don't work. He gets so defensive no matter how politely and gently I bring it up. Please help
tl;dr - my (24f) boyfriend (35m) gets irrationally angry and threatens to leave me if I progress faster in a game without him or beat him in a game.
Submitted May 24, 2021 at 09:20PM by Redstonetg https://ift.tt/3vfFyyB
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