I've been married for 17 happy years. I've always been supportive of my wife's right to travel. She was born in Brazil and goes home often. A couple of years ago, she got a job at the airport, and now we have the ability to fly standby. She has routinely traveled to Brazil, Florida, California, New York, etc. I'm always happy to see her go and enjoy herself.
Before COVID-19 hit, I wanted to go on a trip to Cancun with a friend for a short weekend. My wife doesn't approve of this friend, and granted, he's been a drinking buddy. But beyond that, we've never gotten into any trouble together besides drinking.
She forbid me from going with him. I said fine, I get it. I'll just go by myself. She said no, no Cancun. I said, okay, I really wanted to go to Vegas. She said no again. She wanted to go with me if I went to Vegas. She told me I could go see a family member if I wanted. In effect, it came down to the fact that they were her standby tickets and it was her decision. I ended up staying home while she visited family in Brazil.
Needless to say, COVID-19 hit, and I've been bitter about that ever since. I feel like she stole something from me and has no power to return it. I was laid off last year and I'm still searching for a job, so my ability to travel has been further impaired by lack of funds.
Enter the current situation and her friend invited her to go to Cancun, expenses paid. I didn't stop her from going, although she offered not to after I pointed out the hypocrisy in her going. But then what? She tells her friend that she's not allowed to go because of me, and then I look like the jackass. I told her to go.
So here I am at home and I'm extremely, extremely bitter and resentful.
I feel like I've spent our whole marriage paying for expensive tickets to send her to Brazil once to twice a year. More often than not, I couldn't afford to go with her or get the time off of work. But it was important to me that she go. Thankfully we don't have to pay for tickets anymore, and she can travel even more often.
I feel like I've been so supportive of her. But in this particular instance, I am bitter and unhappy. The videos and photos her friend is posting on Facebook make me angry. I noticed that my wife has not posted anything of her own, so she apparently got the message that she shouldn't rub salt in the wound.
So the problem I'm experiencing is that I was deprived of the right to travel and now I also get the added benefit of feeling bitter and angry about it. I know it's not worth it for me to feel this way. It doesn't fix anything. But I don't know how to feel any different.
I'm not even looking for equality. I know that as the main breadwinner in our household, I don't get the same travel freedoms that she does. That's okay.
After talking with her at length, she apologized. But I'm still bitter x10.
How can I move on from this and forgive her?
TL;DR! My wife forbid me from going to Cancun with a friend (or alone for that matter) but then went to Cancun with her friend.
Submitted May 24, 2021 at 09:37PM by AllInTheMoney https://ift.tt/3vofK3l
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