This is a throwaway because he knows my main account. He works and I'm a SAHM since covid lost me my job, if that matters. I do the cooking/housework/childcare and he goes to his job. We've been married 4 years.
Our entire relationship, he will ask me to do something for him even though he is closer or can do it himself. I've ended up feeling like a maid to him. If I tell him to stop bugging me all the time, he whines "But I need help", "I'm tired from work" and things like this. It has started to drive me totally insane to the point I will cuss him out if he does it too often. Then he says i'm overreacting and gets mad. And he's right, I am exploding at the drop of a pin lately over this issue.
Examples would be:
He will be next to the printer, but ask me to get up from across the room and get things out of it and hand it to him. When he could literally just lean over his desk and get it. He will ask me to bring him water, the remote, a book he needs, a pen, his clothes, just random things. Sometimes I get angry and tell him to get up and get it and stop calling me from 3 rooms away for this. And he will tell me I'm being an unsupportive partner.
He will constantly give me orders or requests while I am smackdab in the middle of something. Like my hands will be full with changing a shitty diaper and he will tell me to get up and go get something for him. Or I will literally have both my arms elbow-deep in dishwater and he will ask me to go get his papers from his briefcase. Or I will be trying to calm down a screaming toddler and he will say can you go do this thing? And sometime's i'll get pissed and say "Do you not see me in the middle of something?!" And he will get mad at me like I did something wrong.
He will demand a big dinner,then dirty a sh!t ton of dishes and refuse to help wash them afterwards. If I ask for help he will say he is tired from working all day and it's unfair to make him help. I won't even get a chance to sit and eat dinner myself afterwards, because he will keep asking me to bring him things every 5 minutes until he goes to bed.
He does zero dirty parts of childcare. I clean up all the vomit, poo and do all the bathing. He will call me into the bedroom even though he knows i'm busy, just so I can clean up the vomit or change a diaper. If I say he could've done it himself, he says he's tired from work and just wants to relax.
He asks me to take care of his paperwork for him, scan all his documents, call all the bills and make sure they are up to date, keep track of all doctor's appointments, organize his things, etc. It's not that I wouldn't do this anyway, but I hate that he just automatically made it my responsibility without asking me and refuses to do any of these things for himself. If I won't do it, or I forget to do it, he will say I am irresponsible and get angry.
He asks me to do his homework for him. I will tell him no and he will keep begging until I do it, guilting me saying I don't want to help him and telling me how hard he works. And he does work hard, sometimes 70 hours a week. And he is exhausted because he gets very little sleep. But I don't like committing academic fraud and he knows this. If I tell him he can get kicked out of uni for this he says I'm being dramatic and it's no big deal.
All these little things have added up over the years, and now I absolutely loathe when he asks me to do anything at all, even if the request is justified and simple. And I've told him this. I have literally said "I am tired too. I just want to sit, relax and not do anything today. I am trying to read, stop nagging me". And of course his feelings get hurt and he calls me lazy or ungrateful.
But honestly, I really would rather be doing other things with my free time like reading or playing games, instead of fulfilling his constant requests when he can just do all those things himself. When I tell him I'm going to get a job just to get a break from his nagging, he will try to convince me that staying home is better for the baby and that we don't need the money (we do).
Please advise me. How do I make it clear to him that just because I'm a SAHM that doesn't make me a maid? Or am I actually lazy and need to adjust my own expectations? What would you do in my situation? I'm open to the idea that I'm wrong, but either way, this situation is driving me nuts, please help.
TL:DR; Husband has me constantly doing things for him so much that I barely have time to myself. Is this a normal part of marriage or am I right to be annoyed? What do I do to fix this situation?
Submitted May 02, 2021 at 09:27PM by ThrowAwayxneedadvice https://ift.tt/337xX8G
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