My (M29) job is emotional labor. So after being together for 6 years, how do I deal with getting tired of being my girlfriend's (F28) main source of support and happiness, and how do I tell her that's no way to live or for us to have a future?

I'm basically a therapist at my job 8 hours a day, 3-4 days a week. It can be emotionally draining. I think because of this, whenever my partner of 6 years turns to me for support I feel like it's just more of my job continuing after I clock out, and whether it's fair or not this bothers me a LOT because she needs a LOT of support! Since we live apart and only see each other on weekends, she always says she thinks of me as a break from her work week, but I feel like more like an escape for her because she doesn't seem to look forward to much else, almost like she's using me as her main source of happiness and motivation. So is it wrong for me to reject this role she has placed for me in her life, because it feels exhausting and like my work never ends? How do I even begin to tell her how that messes with me and negatively affects our relationship because it makes me feel the opposite of excited to see her sometimes, and what I really want is to have more fun with her?

She even got a therapist and I thought that would ease the burden, but I still feel like I'm doing the emotional heavy lifting. I'm starting to think that this therapist is seeing my partner like an easy check too because she has the same problems over and over, which is hating her job, and she never seems to actually have sessions where she seems lighter or discovers new insights that help her life. This therapist just doesn't challenge her at all. Now I'm getting annoyed hearing the same problems over and over, and I'm running out of things to say to support my partner because I feel like a broken record. I'm also starting to feel bad that the advice I want to give her is resembling more of a tough love "what did you expect to happen with that attitude?" kind of stance. It's honestly frustrating to feel this frustrated at her because I don't want to say something mean, something insensitive, or something rude and yet those are the kind of thoughts that pop into my mind that I have to increasingly work harder not to say.

I don't think I'd feel this way if I had a different job, or at least be this bothered, but I can't say for sure whether I'd feel that much different either and that thought honestly scares me.

It really doesn't help that she is so afraid of going outside and getting sick that getting her to go anywhere is like pulling teeth, so we spend most of our time indoors watching TV these days. When we go anywhere, I have to talk her into it and get her to believe we won't die, which is very draining. Then when we go hiking or see a friend or two, she seems like she enjoys herself a little bit, but she can't wait to go home. Obviously, I am not against staying home sometimes and comfort-seeking in general but that can't be someone's motivation in and of itself. Also keep in mind that I am fully vaxxed and she has one dose but she still has these fears and tendencies.

I actually find my job very fulfilling and I love my partner very much so I don't think it's impossible to have both. We used to do more fun and exciting things that I looked forward to! I just wish she knew how to emotionally support and motivate herself better so I didn't have to do so much of it, especially by now at this point in our lives, and I wish we could go straight to the fun stuff more often. She's told me that seeing me is her main motivation to get through most of the week, so I don't even know where to begin telling her how that is no way to live, and she's gotta make those other days better herself! I just want her to handle her life better so I'm not her main source of joy or support (an onus I have not and would never placed on her) and we're not actually each other's "escapes" either, but we provide extra support, extra joy, extra excitement, and extra life to each other. Does that make sense?

I simply don't buy into the idea of all-consuming love like in the movies. I am an independent person with my own goals, friends, hobbies, and aspirations that regularly fill me with life and I want her by side for all of it. I want her to want the same from life too.

That's why I really think helping herself is probably the best way to help our relationship at this point. I don't want to continue down this path we're going, because I know in the end I will start to resent her, and I don't like that idea one bit. Any advice???

Tl;Dr- I feel like my partner is using me as an escape from her life and I reject this role and its responsibilities as inherently unfair and unworkable. What I want is to go out and do more exciting things like we used to, and she doesn't because she wants to stay at home. Love her but I'm going crazy. What do?

Submitted April 09, 2021 at 04:33AM by Fictionalgrizzlybear https://ift.tt/32drKYJ