So this is a STORY but I’ll try to cut it short and with small detail because I know he’s on here. Well about a year ago I met a guy. We went out on a few dates and then one day he asked me to go over to his place to watch a movie, I agree and then one thing led to another and he was on top of me. I was a virgin, I was and still am very self conscious of my body. That has led to me over thinking a few things. A. It’s embarrassing to let someone see my unclothed body and b. I’m still a virgin because of that. I was 18 but I felt like I was late to the sex game haha. Anyway I told him I was nervous and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it. He told me there was nothing to be nervous about. And well I lost my virginity that day.
I genuinely thought we were going somewhere because we were hanging out a lot and things got pretty heated every time I went over to his place. That was what I failed to see. The problem was I was the only one who thought we were doing great. The next few months went like: he asked me to come over, I did, things got heated at his place, we watched an episode of a show or a movie and I went home. I was too excited about this new experience that I was blinded by the fact that I was being used.
One day I ask him if he thought we were getting anywhere. To sum it down, he said we were just a hookup. A rebound from his past two year long relationship that he just got out of. Needless to say I was very devastated. And a week later I saw him posting photos of him with a new girl who he was calling his girlfriend. I immediately blocked him because I knew I had to distance myself from their relationship to respect it even if I didn’t like it.
It’s been about a year and a half now. And I met the most amazing guy, we’ve been dating for a year. But every now and then I think about how easily I let myself get played by this man. It disgusts me thinking about everything we did and I push my boyfriend away. There are times when I can’t have him touch me because I feel so dirty. I don’t know if I’m over exaggerating it. I love my boyfriend so much I want to really emphasize that he is not the root of the problem. I love when he touches me but there are just times when I get in my own mind and I close myself off.
I just wanted to know if there is any way to get through this. I feel like it’s been too long that I’ve carried this grudge or whatever it is. I want to get over it to give my boyfriend the same amount of love he gives me.
Tldr: I lost my virginity to a guy I liked but ended up being a hookup to him, a year later I feel dirty because of it and have trouble living a healthy sex life with my current boyfriend.
Submitted April 20, 2021 at 10:22PM by helloissamimi https://ift.tt/3v4DgBS
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