--- **TL;DR;** : Is my fiance hurting me on purpose for the sake of staying with him?
Hello people of reddit.
I want to discuss with you an issue I have been facing with my fiance. I posted this on another /r/ but I want to hear more about your feedback.
Please bear with me as I will write a lot ^^'
Just to give a bit of the background, I and my fiance have been in a serious relationship for 4 years and we are preparing to settle down and get married however lately, there have been some critical arguments that I am afraid might lead to something worse like a break-up.
The thing is my fiance since day one I have known him, he is a wonderful guy. In fact, he was very understanding of my needs as I am more on the introverted side, I didn't open up easily but still, the pace of the relationship was going slow so it was good enough for me to be comfy around him and he also tried to make me feel safe to open up.
We have also agreed on future plans like finances, moving to a new house, likes and dislikes, children's plans.. and we always had a point we agreed on even if we don't have the same mindset.
Until now all is great however, these past months we have been getting into arguments that leave me helpless. As I have mentioned before, he already knows what hurts me as I thought to make it clear to share that vulnerable side with him so he could understand, but lately, he has been pushing me into either staying with him or leaving him in the name of settling down quicker while he knows that by pressuring me it actually hurts.
It's not like I don't want to be with him but I would rather take things slow while preparing for the marriage.
Moreover, I feel like the plans we agreed on like finances, household.. he is trying to disagree with that on purpose even though I told him that we already agreed on this and that and he shouldn't change his mind at the last moment cause it's making me not trust him.
At one moment, I got desperate trying to understand what changed the things we agreed on and what changed him as he was loving and understanding my needs but now he is putting that ''stay if I agree''/''break up if we don't'' and acting like it's an easy decision for him.
I asked him won't he regret losing our relationship, and he said that he wants to settle down as soon as possible, and staying away from eachother only makes it hard for him and when I asked him why did he agree on something I proposed and now he is saying the opposite, he answered that he should have been more honest and he was just trying to not make me sad.
But what I don't understand is why he is only now telling me this instead of discussing it before and not lead me in the wrong direction.
I understand that it's hard for him to be separated from eachother as we are in a LDR , but I tried to explain that it's also hard for me as well and we should make it work instead of risking the whole relationship because I decided to take things slower than him.
From that on, I feel like he is making me hate him and changing the principles we agreed on in the relationship knowing that it is a serious one and I tried to ask him why is he trying to hurt me on purpose but he thinks it's better to face things now than never instead of him just going with my flow.
I don't know what made him change because he promised he will never change or hurt me and at one point he said that he lost hope so maybe he is stressed out lately, but I feel like this could've been handled better if we talked in a way to get out with solutions and not pushing each other on purpose.
I am a bit confused whether it's because he is going through some hard times as he sometimes doesn't share his sufferings with me despite making tries to get him to talk...
He also said that he is doing this to see if I really love him because he feels like I don't love him enough because I still want to take marriage slower.
I don't want to lose the relationship but I also am afraid because he changed his words and what we agreed on that he might change it in the future as well.
Can you advise?
Thanks for reading up till here!
Submitted April 02, 2021 at 08:36AM by Interesting-Mess958 https://ift.tt/3sNCUPc
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