I[F18]was held hostage by my parents[M&F50]and my father fought my boyfriend[M20].police were called, and my dad could lose his job. what now?

Little bit of backstory, my mother has always been a textbook narcissist for as long as i can remember. She had a tendency of getting physical during particularly bad arguments, but not in a ‘we’re about to fight’ way, but more of a ‘you angered me and now i need to take it out on you’ sort of way, if that makes sense. My dad has always been the enabler, and whilst emotionally helping me sometimes, never offered any real support or real fixes to his wife’s actions. I also emphasise that I absolutely never lay a finger on her- other than to push her off me if she does come at me. This is because I know that she could manipulate the police (if they were ever called) into saying that I attacked her first, etcetc. My dad has very very rarely been physical towards me in my life.

So back to yesterday. An argument kicks off between me and my mother (irrelevant, but it was because she couldn’t be bothered to find the front door keys after coming back from a walk, but i couldn’t answer the door as I was in the bathroom) and it began to escalate. However, my father decided to get a lot more involved. This really upset me, considering he’s always been the more rational one in my mind, and he proceeded to shove my shoulder a bit, and yell/spit 2 inches away from my face. All in all, not ideal.

He then proceeds to take my phone and tablet away from me, and threatened to turn off the wifi. Obviously this doesn’t really phase me, as I still had my laptop, and that’s more than enough to contact my boyfriend. So I ring him on discord letting him know I need to get picked up (he can drive but I can’t yet) and then he said he was on his way. He lives around 20-25 mins away from me.

My parents then proceed to yell at me for the next 20 mins, my mother just repeatedly yelling about how I couldn’t leave with my boyfriend and talk it out ‘like an adult’, and when that didn’t work, proceeded to just yell insults at me for the remaining time. They also took my laptop, so now I just have to trust that my boyfriend will get here on time. Eventually I check the clock, and let them know that I’m about to leave. However, they took all of the keys in the house. I tried to find the back door keys, they weren’t there. So I went into my bag to find my own house keys, and my mother had already been in there to take them out. I have no means of leaving my house, and they keep me there for around 5-10 mins- all while yelling at me, saying my boyfriend has wasted his trip, etcetc.

So I signal to my boyfriend (who has been waiting in the car outside this entire time), that i can’t get out, but i’m physically fine. After a few minutes, he comes knocking on my door. My mother proceeds to answer, and he just asks for me to come with him, and that he doesn’t care about what everyone was arguing about but it’s obviously for the best. My parents really didn’t take that well, and started shouting at him as if they were shouting at me.

Eventually, my mother went to slam the door in his face, to which he put his foot in to block it, saying he doesn’t want to let me out of his sight. This is when my dad started yelling for him to get off our property, and when he refused to leave without me, my boyfriend threatened to call the police. My parents called him bluff on it, and then my dad proceeded to lunge at him, grabbing his neck and chest and pinning him against a car in the driveway.

At this point I’m bawling my eyes out, just trying to separate them. I’ve never felt so guilty in my life. This then prompted my boyfriend to calling the police (also for reference, both my dad and boyfriend were fine. All my boyfriend did to my dad was push him off, and never actually was violent towards him- it was only my dad going at him). My parents then began yelling at both of us, calling him the ‘hero’ and my dad begins to yell at me saying he’s losing his job because of me, and hopes i’m happy. He works with abused kids in our area, finding suitable housing situations.

At this point I was bawling my eyes out on my driveway, holding my bag and laptop (I managed to get it back as the bf arrived) whilst my parents yelled and taunted at me from the front window inside. At one point my dad came outside to yell in my face, asking for bf’s full name, and further clarified that he’s losing his job because of me. He also proceeded to call the police on my boyfriend. It was horrific.

The police show up, and they were surprisingly great. They separated me and bf from both my parents (wasn’t too difficult at this point anyways, as both my parents went back inside) and then took me into the van for general domestic abuse questions. I explained the past history with my mother, but that I wasn’t going to press charges (neither was my boyfriend) because once i move out to uni, I’ll just cut contact. They basically explained that if I wanted to press charges, my mother would be sitting in the jail, and if bf wanted to press charges, my dad would have the same fate. They also said that they had to put a report in as it was a domestic incident, but given my dad’s work, they’ll try and keep it classified from him.

They then told my parents to not contact me for the rest of the day/night, and for me to sleep in bf’s house. This is where I am now, the next morning. I’m terrified of going back home, and I’m so worried my dad has lost his job and hates me, and all i feel is guilt. How do i approach this situation? I’m so sorry for being so vague, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you millions

TL;DR- an altercation between me and my parents prompted me to contact my boyfriend to get away from them temporarily. Parents didn’t like this, and proceeded to lock me in the house and hide all the keys (including going into my bag for my keys). Boyfriend steps in, and gets throttled by my dad. police were called, dad could lose his job as he works with abused kids in the area. I have no idea how i’m meant to go back home- this is the morning after, and i’ve slept over my boyfriends fine

Submitted April 08, 2021 at 11:52PM by glisteningmercury https://ift.tt/3d3Tc17