Hi guys,
So as the title says, Me and K (GF) met over a year ago at local gym classes and we started talking etc., found excuses to chat or hang around, pretty normal stuff and I was excited to see and talk to her, I find her attractive and we really have a lot in common.
All in all, looking from a side me and K works together, but I just don't feel it. We had a talk about it half a year ago and the conclusion was to give it more time, why? Because I absolutely enjoy spending time with her, talking to her, cooking together, going out etc.
We had a talk over a weekend again and she said she's ready to say that she's in love and would see us moving in together in some future, having future together in general and honestly I clearly see it can work with her as a person but I just don't feel that I have feeling towards her, and I am lost because I just don't understand it.
The problem is, it happened already with few other women I've seen in the past, the same situation, the same problem from my side. I feel stuck on not feeling stuff, even though I absolutely enjoy that person's company. Difference is I always found a reason to break up, valid, different opinions, different plans on live etc. and it happened way earlier in relationship, like normal dating experience. This time I have nothing, there is no reason, she's great.
I genuinely try to be best person to K despite that, but in this moment it seems to me, especially after we talked about it, that best would be to break up, and it sucks. I am trying to look from all perspective if I missed something or is there a chance but I don't see it.
I also think my first relationship that ended over 7 years ago is still impacting me a lot. I was in a toxic relationship with a girl that was cheating on me, manipulated and gaslight me. I always had a feeling that she was running away and I was chasing her. It was 5years long relationship that basically made me feel resent towards relationships in general. I honestly cannot believe that love exist after that. Since then I focused on myself, gym, work, additional work, etc, etc and felt love only once. It was on vacation, me and my good online friend went on vacation together and we fell for each other, but after that month of vacation both of us got back home and since we live in different countries, thousands of km away it felt apart shortly after. Though I still have it engraved in my mind that "this was one and only true love I will ever feel" which is dumb, it was over 2 years ago and I think I finally moved. She probably did although we don't have any contact.
I promised K that I will think about us and come back to her soon with my final decision, whether I back off or I will be with her. I try to think about it in all ways possible and even though I am almost sure that I should break up with K. I am questioning it and think if I shouldn't give it a bit more time.
Or maybe it's ok to be with someone and not loving them?
PS: I am currently attending therapy regarding this topic, but it will still take time to solve it.
TL:DR I am with someone who I think is perfect match but I cannot make myself have feeling for her. I feel stuck on not feeling. Is it ok to continue?
Submitted April 20, 2021 at 02:17AM by an_unique_name https://ift.tt/3dw6lQS
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